Government Shutdown Drama Ends with Congress Throwing “We Did Our Jobs!” Party
Government Shutdown Drama Ends with Congress Throwing “We Did Our Jobs!” Party
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unprecedented display of doing the bare minimum, Congress successfully passed a spending bill Friday night, averting yet another government shutdown drama and prompting what observers describe as “disturbingly enthusiastic” self-congratulation.
Historic Achievement of Meeting Basic Expectations
“This is a victory for democracy!” declared Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, wiping away tears of joy while accepting his “I Did My Job” sticker. “We’ve proven that with enough last-minute panic, we can actually complete our most fundamental responsibilities!”
Nation Processes Shocking Display of Competence
Local government teacher Janet Martinez struggled to process the events: “I’ve been teaching about how bills become laws for 20 years using that cartoon with the singing bill. This is the first time my students have seen it happen in real life – they thought it was just a myth.”
March E. Tellerman, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness, offered his signature perspective: “Sweet banana pudding, y’all! This is wilder than my mama’s legendary dead gator wrestling match! These folks turned basic governance into a three-ring circus, and I’m here with my banjo-playing rooster conducting the whole dang show!”
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