Experts Furious: Family Addiction Support Effectiveness Study...

Experts Are Furious About This New Family Addiction Support Effectiveness Study That Uses Common Sense

In a shocking development that cost taxpayers $2.3 million, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has published their family addiction support effectiveness study confirming what your mom, grandma, and that nice lady at the grocery store already knew: being nice to people works better than being mean to them.

Groundbreaking Methodology Leaves Scientists Baffled

family addiction support effectiveness, A scientist with three Ph.D.s meticulously documenting a group hug while surrounded by supercomputers running complex algorithms

“Our revolutionary research methodology involved this cutting-edge technique called ‘listening to people,'” explained Dr. Sarah Thompson, lead researcher. “We were stunned to discover that humans respond positively to positive treatment. Who knew?”

Adam S. Marks, CFO of PISR, weighed in: “Look, I had to drink seven Long Island Iced Teas just to comprehend how obvious these results are. My therapist is going to love this – once she finishes her whiskey sour and stops laughing.”

Expert Reactions Range from Facepalm to Double Facepalm

family addiction support effectiveness, A panel of distinguished experts simultaneously doing synchronized facepalms while their framed diplomas weep in the background

Guru Og Tritium, Content Moderator at PISR, offered his unique perspective: “Dude, like, being nice to people works better? That’s deep, man. Almost as deep as these prescription meds I’m on.”

Dr. Phil* reportedly responded: “Y’all spent millions to figure out that family support works? I’ve been saying that for free on daytime TV for decades! And that’s about as groundbreaking as finding out Texas likes barbecue!”

Future Research Prospects

The success of this study has inspired several new research proposals, including:

– Do puppies make people happier than angry wasps?

– Is chocolate more enjoyable than getting stuck in traffic?

– Does winning feel better than losing?

The family addiction support effectiveness research team is currently seeking funding for their next groundbreaking study: “Do People Prefer Free Money Over Paying Taxes?”