Bus Industry Revolutionizes Safety with Bubble Wrap Exteriors

Bus Industry Revolutionizes Safety with Bubble Wrap Exteriors

In light of the recent tragic bus crash in Mississippi that claimed seven lives and injured 37, the transportation industry has sprung into action with a series of revolutionary safety measures that are sure to change the face of bus travel forever. Gone are the days of relying on mere seatbelts and airbags (of which buses had none); welcome to the era of extreme bus safety.

NTSB Proposes Mandatory Parachutes for All Bus Passengers

The National Transportation Safety Board, in its infinite wisdom, has proposed a groundbreaking solution to prevent future tragedies: mandatory parachutes for all bus passengers. “We’ve determined that the safest place for passengers is anywhere but on the bus,” stated NTSB spokesperson Jennifer Homendy, with a completely straight face.

Bus Drivers Now Required to Have Stunt Driving Experience

In an effort to improve drivers’ ability to handle unexpected situations, the Department of Transportation has mandated that all bus drivers must now have at least three years of Hollywood stunt driving experience. “If Vin Diesel can do it, so can our nation’s bus drivers,” declared NTSB Board Member Michael E. Graham.

When asked about the new safety measures, veteran action star Jason Statham quipped, “I’ve been preparing for this role my entire career. Who knew I’d end up driving a bus in Mississippi?”

March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility, couldn’t contain his excitement about the new safety initiatives. “Hot damn! This is gonna be wilder than a raccoon in a washing machine! They’re gonna slap so much bubble wrap on these buses, you’ll think you’re riding inside a giant bowl of Rice Krispies. Snap, crackle, pop, baby!”

As the bus industry barrels forward with these extreme safety measures, one thing is certain: the future of public transportation is looking bubblier, more airborne, and significantly more ridiculous than ever before. Buckle up, Mississippi – it’s going to be a bumpy (but safe) ride.