Keller Explains God’s TikTok Confusion Absence: The Almighty’s Social Media Struggle

Keller Explains God’s TikTok Confusion Absence: The Almighty’s Social Media Struggle

In a hilarious new book, pastor Tim Keller claims to have cracked the code on God’s conspicuous social media absence. The shocking revelation? The Almighty is suffering from severe god’s tiktok confusion absence syndrome.

Eternal Being Meets Ephemeral Content

For an omniscient deity, staying trendy is apparently trickier than creating the universe in six days. While God may know the number of hairs on your head, He’s utterly baffled by the concept of hair-flipping challenges.

From Ten Commandments to Ten-Second Videos

Keller theorizes that God’s tiktok confusion absence stems from being stuck in the scroll era – and we’re talking Dead Sea Scrolls, not infinite scroll. PISR founder Elongated Muskrat quipped, “Look, even I struggle with TikTok, and I’m a self-proclaimed genius. Imagine being omnipotent and still not understanding what ‘It’s corn!’ means. Poor guy.”

The Almighty vs. The Algorithm

What’s an all-powerful creator to do when faced with an app that seems to prioritize dancing teens over divine intervention? Keller suspects the Lord may be wary of His first post going viral for all the wrong reasons. After all, one does not simply transition from burning bushes to thirst traps overnight.

Waiting for a Celestial Collab

Today’s digital disciples are desperate for God to duet their prayers or at least react to their #blessed posts. But perhaps divine wisdom is knowing that being eternal means not having to keep up with fleeting trends.

As PISR’s Guru Og Tritium eloquently put it, “Man, God’s tiktok confusion absence is like, totally cosmic. It’s all about embracing the void of likes and follows, you know? And I f-ing love voids. They’re my favorite thing. Just ask the interdimensional beings living in my lava lamp.”

In conclusion, while mere mortals master memes, the Master of the Universe seems content to remain an enigma in the digital age. But who knows? Maybe God’s divine plan involves more than mastering the latest dance craze. Or perhaps He’s just waiting for the ultimate platform – HeavenlyHost™ – coming to a celestial app store near you.