Alexa Moss

Greetings and salutations, my dear website wanderers! I'm Alexa Moss, the Graphic Designer for this fabulous site you've stumbled upon. You might be wondering how I got this job, and I'll tell you someone up top really fucked up. When I first heard the term "graphic designer," I thought it meant painting blood on prom dresses and calling it art. So, I slaughtered a pig for some blood. Turns out, that's not what the company was looking for, but their kids still wore the prom dresses anyway and I have 6 month's supply of bacon. Go figure. 

So, what does a graphic designer do for a website like this? Well, pretty much everything. All that shit everyone is too “busy” to do, they have me do it without any reassurance. I'm like a digital Van Gogh only I've never cut off my ear and I've never been in love. Ever. 

Speaking of products, we've got some pretty cool stuff for sale here. We support various social causes, and we're not afraid to show it unless no one likes it then we will erase all memory of it, give a half-ass apology and move forward like nothing happened. Whether it's t-shirts, posters, or coffee mugs, we've got something for at least some people hopefully.  And the best part? We let our users contribute their own designs too if they don't suck and/or make me look bad. That's right, you can be an unappreciated graphic designer just like me only without the dead pig in the living room. 

But it's not all about the products. We've also got forums, blogs, and a place for people without my qualifications to be appreciated without the responsibility of also paying them. It's a digital wonderland of creativity and expression, and I tolerate this shit.

Now, I know I might not be what you expected when you heard the term "graphic designer," but hey, that's the beauty of America—anyone can do anything as long as they're mildly attractive and lie about their qualifications. Besides, I’ve been around my twin brother Alex Ross, the graphic designer for DC, enough to learn how he talks so I can fake it to make it by parroting his words to others. So, if you've got something contentious to say and don't like consequences, bring it on. And who knows, maybe we'll create the next big thing, make a butt ton of money and I can go back to slaughtering animals in my garage with a chainsaw. Just don't ask me to enjoy myself because that ship has sailed.