Roy Moss

To Whom it May Concern, 

I'm Roy Moss, the Director of Information for this company that you've stumbled upon. I respect the power of information. If you're looking for someone who's tech-savvy, then you've come to the wrong place. I don't use computers. Don't trust them. In fact, I'm writing this on a typewriter from an undisclosed location in Alaska. I hand it off my communications to a courier who comes by once a month to make sure I'm not dead. 

My job here is to make sure that all the information on the website is safe and could potentially survive nuclear fallout. I'm like a shepherd, protecting our flock of creative contributors and future cult leaders from the wolves of technology. And let me tell you wolves can be vicious. There's literally a pack of them stalking me as we speak because I'm old and decaying so they can easily track me. 

Now, you might be wondering what I think about our products. I don't. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go worm a goat and test some bear traps. But before I go, let me leave you with a Scottish proverb: "The best laid schemes o' mice and men gang aft a-gley." Translation? No matter how well you plan, wolves are hungry and will side step bear traps to slaughter your most fuckable goat. Cheers!