Ticket to Hell

Description

Hell desires you! This inclusive ticket (everyone’s welcome) provides you with express one-way access to the Lake of Fire for just $6.66 (payable now) or six electrons, six protons, and six neutrons (payable on death).

This VIP pass lets Satan know that you’re willing to ignore the light and live blissfully (at least for a short period of time) in the darkness of your bondages so you can skip the excruciating heat and unbearable suffering to meet the Devil immediately. Or not. He doesn’t have a lot of integrity.

Act now and get your Ticket to Hell at a price that’s so on the nose that we can’t believe you are stupid enough to buy it. Like literally – and not in that annoying use of the word literally where a person actually means figuratively. All the answers to your questions about salvation or eternal damnation are right in front of you, but you willfully ignore them. Why not ignore them one more time?

*Disclaimer: validity of ticket definitely guaranteed. Non-transferable. No refunds once purchased, but you can set your heart/mind/gut straight or pay $11 for our Ticket to Heaven if you change your mind. Satan is a little whiny bitch with Daddy issues, but maybe that’s your thing. Some of them want to use you. Some of them want to get used by you. Some of them want to abuse you. Some of them want to be abused. Make it glaringly obvious to them who you are.