Purpose of PISR’s Privacy Policy
Welcome to the Privacy Policy (“P.P.”) of Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility (“PISR”). PISR’s P.P. releases bodily fluids and describes the practices of PISR regarding the collection, use, sharing, and protection of the personal data, information, and urine samples of users who access our website, utilize our services, make purchases, or otherwise interact with us and our shenanigans.
This policy outlines the types of data we gather, how we use the data, who has access to the data, and the rights and choices available to users regarding our handling of their data (and their junk). This policy applies to all PISR platforms, services, applications, sites, features, and activities, including our website, blog, forums, e-commerce operations, and EdTech platform.
Summary of Key Privacy and Data Collection/Use Practices
We collect certain categories of personal data in order to provide and improve our services and user experience. So, if you’re not cool, please refrain from using our services because your data may worsen our services and user experience. The data we collect may include information like names, contact details, financial information, girth, cup size, account credentials, usage data, and other personal data provided by users.
We may use this data to create accounts, process orders, understand user behavior, provide customer service, send marketing communications that users can opt-out of, and operate our website, services, and features. Oh yeah, and to make enormous amounts of money.
We may share data with third-party service providers in order to provide our services, fulfill user requests, conduct analytics, comply with legal obligations, have a shitty story to tell over dinner, or prevent fraud and abuse on our platforms. We do not sell, trade, or gamble personal data with third parties.
Users have certain rights over their personal data as detailed in this policy. We aim to be transparent about our data practices and allow users control over their information, bodies, and babies. We understand that control over the latter two can create cognitive dissonances in idiots, for which we pray you find salvation or at least some minor form of solace through an arbitrary loophole.
Data We Collect
Categories of Personal Data Collected
The categories of personal data we collect may include:
- Contact details such as names, email addresses, phone numbers, license plates, and physical addresses
- Financial information such as payment card numbers, account details, social security numbers, and billing/shipping addresses
- Account credentials like usernames, passwords, retina scans (coming soon, maybe), and other login details
- Demographic data such as age, gender, location, profession, and degree of racism (we are the penultimate judges of what constitutes racism, IMHO)
- Interaction data such as comments, forum posts, website activity logs, engagement, marriage, and divorce analytics
- Communications like emails, live chat transcripts, morse code, and customer support tickets
- Transaction data from purchases, subscriptions, course enrollments, trans-action pornography, etc.
- Any other personal data and bodily fluids provided by users or collected in relation to creating accounts, utilizing services, or interacting with our platforms.
- Aggregated usage statistics and analytics relating to site traffic, content views, average number of pizza slices eaten per meal, etc.
- Technical data transmitted by users’ browsers, such as IP addresses, device data, operating systems, grammatical correctness, and sentence structure
- General location data derived from IP addresses at state/city/neighborhood/house/room/chair level
- Direct collection via forms, activity logs, apps, registration, orders, payment info submission, and toilets (for random/forced drug tests only – we’re not freaks)
- Indirect collection via tracking tools like cookies, cupcakes, web beacons
- Public sources such as social media APIs with appropriate permissions, soda cans thrown in the trash, etc.
- Third-party providers where required for providing services. But if you’re on your third party, you should probably get some sleep, bro
- Any other sources where users authorize or direct transmission of information or sexual diseases to us
How We Use Data
Purposes for Using Different Categories of Personal Data
The primary purposes for collecting and using personal data include the following:
- Create and manage user accounts and thoughts
- Process transactions such as orders, payments, refunds, and sexual reassignment surgeries
- Deliver products, services, content, pizza with your favorite toppings, and support requests
- Improve sexual performance, develop new features, analyze usage
- Prevent fraud, spam, abuse on our platforms, forest fires
- Comply with applicable laws, legal obligations, and self-appointed dictatorial authorities
The specific data, beta, theta, and zeta used to facilitate these purposes may include contact details, financial information, account credentials, demographic data, content/activity logs, communications, transaction details, and any other information associated with the provision of our services.
Marketing Communications
With the appropriate consent from users (consent is sexy, after all), where required, we may use contact details and account data to:
- Send email newsletters with updates, promotions, dick pics, and Walmart coupons
- Deliver targeted advertisements via email, third-party channels, or at the shooting range
- Notify users of new features based on activity history and the GPS trackers we install in your shoulder while you sleep
Analytics and Product Improvement
We may use data relating to browsing activities, usage statistics, purchases, sleep/wake cycles, and other interactions to:
- Conduct market research regarding the demand for services and dopaminergic pathway stimulation
- Better understand user needs, interests, and darkest desires
- Improve website navigation, performance, streaming-service suggestions (we may get sued if we cite exactly which one due to our strict unidirectional NDA… we were naive), and user experience
- Add new features, courses, and products that benefit users just enough that we can make money off of you
Legal Compliance
We may be required to use, retain, and disclose categories of personal, non-personal, and trans-personal (everything is trans nowadays, eh?) data to:
- Comply with applicable laws, regulations, court orders, and assholes
- Cooperate with regulators, law enforcement bodies, and the uncooperative
- Establish or exercise our legal rights, defend against perceived violations, and convince the government to put up a wall around our blessed country
- Investigate suspected breaches of policy, fraud, intellectual property infringements, and word-of-mouth commitments
How We Share Data
Categories of Third Parties Data is Shared With
We may disclose categories of user data and medical records to the following recipient types:
- Payment processors to facilitate transactions and wart removal
- Shipping providers to deliver orders and OTC medicine
- Cloud storage and service providers to store water vapor and information
- Marketing platforms to deliver communications and disco-ready shoes
- Analytics services to understand usage and your genetic code
- Legal and compliance consultants as required or maybe just for shits and giggles
- Government/public authorities/Manchurian candidates where legally mandated
- Any other third-party providers essential for our legitimate and illegitimate interests
Purposes of Sharing Data with Third Parties
We share user data with third parties and the Third Reich for specific purposes such as:
- Fulfilling orders, purchases, subscriptions, and destiny
- Providing customer service and saving our asses
- Sending marketing communications and gift baskets
- Conducting analytics to improve our platforms please der Führer
- Complying with applicable laws, legal obligations, and dictatorial decrees
- Preventing misuse of our platforms and infringement of other rights that are guaranteed for people who follow the law or pay for an attorney to make their would-be crimes go away
We limit disclosures to only data required for the specific purpose and have contractual safeguards to ensure data privacy is respected by recipients, at least in theory. We don’t have enough money or power to control their actions.
Sale or Trading of Personal Data
We do not sell, rent, trade, barter, or otherwise disclose personal data or usage habits of our users to any third parties for commercial gain without explicit consent.
Data Security
Technical Measures
The technical safeguards we implement to secure user data include:
- Encryption of sensitive data in transit, coffins, and at rest
- Regular malware scanning, virus protection systems, and face mask enforcement
- Firewalls, mouse traps, intrusion detection, data loss prevention controls
- Access controls, role-based permissions, and only hiring people with an IQ of 60 or less
- Secure coding practices for application development, fitted with self-destruct modes
- Confidentiality and Santa clauses in staff agreements
We continuously aim to strengthen controls around data security utilizing prudent industry standards and technologies, but we mostly just laugh at random shit so we very well could have made a mistake.
Breach Notification Procedures
In case of a data breach incident, we shall:
- Notify appropriate supervisory authorities per legal timelines, likely by yelling
- Notify impacted individuals if mandated or prudent, likely by skywriting
- Offer mitigation services like credit monitoring if relevant and we feel like it
Third-Party Services
We conduct a symphony of due diligence around data security practices before utilizing third-party partners’ services.
Data Retention
General Retention Periods
We retain personal data for the minimum period necessary to fulfill the purposes outlined in this policy, probably most likely the same length as an extremely obese person with pitting edema retains water unless longer retention is required to meet legal obligations, resolve disputes/investigations, or because the obese person dies.
The criteria we use to determine retention periods include mandatory statutory requirements, BMI, limitation periods for legal claims, business needs, and expectations of our users.
Some general retention guidelines:
- Account information: Retained during active use of services and insufficient bank balance
- Transaction details: Retained as per statutory requirements and sexual transmutation
- Usage activity logs: Retained on a rolling basis as per industry standards and our interest in your behavior
- Communications: Retained short-term as per operational needs and because then we can train xAI more effectively
- Marketing: Consent-based retention per subscriber preferences and whatever is in season
Specific retention details can be provided upon request.
Criteria for Determining Retention Periods
The criteria used to determine retention periods for categories of personal data and compartmentalization of your worst memories include:
- Applicable laws mandating minimum retention requirements or ice-pick lobotomies
- Limitation periods for contractual disputes, legal claims, or trauma bonds
- Reasonable user expectations for accessibility of data and delusions of grandeur
- Necessity based on lawful business purposes, interests, and your temporary sanity/falsified contentment
Any retention beyond the time periods required for fulfilling initial purposes will only occur if justified for compatible further processing based on legitimate interests, user consent, or desire to help lost souls re-integrate into reality.
Additional Disclosures
Third-Party Links
Our website, services, and communications may contain links redirecting users to third-party websites that operate under their own terms, conditions, privacy policies, and free will.
We do not control the content or links appearing on these sites and shall not be responsible for any practices or decisions made by third-party websites. To maintain free will, we recommend users carefully review the privacy policies of any third-party site before disclosing personal data or using services offered outside our platforms and asking whether a potential partner has STDs before jumping into bed with them.
Use of Cookies and Tracking Technologies
We utilize cookie identifiers, web beacons, pixels, the geocaching app, and other tracking technologies on our website and other properties to collect general usage analytics, permit logins, detect errors, share information on crumpled pieces of paper, and gather demographic information. Cookies are essential for site functionality and do not store personal data or, unfortunately, chocolate chips.
Disabling cookies may impact user experience on the website and first dates with fat people.
International Data Transfers
As our operations are based in the United States, the personal data we gather may be routed internationally for processing or storage on our servers and systems. Where required by law, we have standard contractual clauses approved by the European Commission in place to allow the secure transfer of EU resident data outside the European Economic Area to places like Mars.
User Rights
Rights Under PISR’s P.P.
Under PISR’s P.P., users have certain rights with respect to personal data and safewords we collect, process, and agree upon before we get busy, subject to limitations as per applicable laws. These include rights to:
- Access personal data held about them and their dog
- Rectify/correct incomplete or inaccurate data or fake news (actually, all our news is fake, so whoever tried to slip that into PISR’s P.P. can go straight to jail)
- Delete personal data or restrict processing under certain circumstances we will not clearly define so as to remain intentionally ambiguous and confusing
- Object to the processing of personal data for legitimate reasons or illegitimate children (Hunter Biden, anyone?)
- Withdraw consent where consent is the basis of processing and sexual relations
Should users wish to exercise any of the above rights or have any grievances regarding data privacy, they can contact us via the information provided belown. But please don’t contact us. We don’t want to do real work.
How Users Can Exercise Their Rights
To submit a formal request regarding personal data rights or grievances under this policy or to just tell us to fuck off, users may contact us at:
Email: [email protected]
Customer Disservice Representative: Jeeves Askerman
We shall review all legitimate requests and provide a formal response via users’ preferred mode of communication within 3 calendar years at maximum as per legal mandates. Additional identity verification procedures may be undertaken prior to responding in case of access, deletion, or similar rights-based requests.
Policy Updates
Notification Procedures
We reserve the right to amend our P.P. at any time in order to address our incorrect sex assigned at birth (lol), future developments of our business, changes to industry or legal trends, new processing activities, or any other changes as deemed necessary by us.
Significant changes increasing data processing or that can negatively impact user rights shall be clearly notified to users by email in advance of the change taking effect or a swift kick in the nuts after the change takes effect. Minor changes for legal clarity or readability may be made without separate user notification or genital pain.
Users can view our latest P.P. on our website at any time, uncensored and uncut. Continued use of our services after policy amendments implies acknowledgment and acceptance of the revised terms. Continuing use of our services after viewing our latest P.P. implies perverted kinks in your character.
User Options and Recourse
In case of dissatisfaction with an update to PISR’s P.P., affected users may:
- Get a fucking life. Seriously, you only have so much time on this earth, so spend it wisely and stop complaining about other people – especially when they want to spend their time doing awesome shit like using PISR
- Contact us requesting reinstatement of previous policy terms, to which we will say no
- Find a service with a different P.P. to play with
- Exercise data erasure, restriction of processing rights per current policy terms, or whatever we feel like since we can rewrite our policy at any time
- Withdraw consent for optional processing activities or sexual relations
- Close user account/unsubscribe from services and imbalanced friendships
If users do not agree with the amended policy terms, they should refrain from further usage of our platforms. We do not pander to anyone.