Study by Greta Thunberg’s Fridays for Future Shows That the Best Way to Combat Climate Change is to Just Stop Breathing

In an unprecedented display of academic acumen, a recent study by Fridays for Future has reached a conclusion of such profound gravity that it promises to redefine our collective approach to combating climate change: the cessation of all human respiratory activity.

Just Hold Your Breath

“It’s quite straightforward,” elucidates Greta Thunberg, founder of the organization. “Human respiration contributes to CO2 emissions. Therefore, if we could kindly cease this activity, temporarily if not permanently, the benefits to our beleaguered atmosphere would be immediate and significant.”

This revolutionary concept, while admittedly extreme, is not without its merits. The study suggests that if every human on Earth were to hold their breath for just one minute every day, the reduction in carbon emissions would be equivalent to taking seven-and-a-half cars off the road per annum. (Note: The calculation assumes standard-sized cars, not clown cars, which obviously contain more people and therefore more potential breathers.)

Take a deep breath and hold for 1minute great exercise and save the planet

critics searching to see if you hold your breath it will work- but it is going to the highest bidder

Holding You Breath is Saving the Planet

Critics have called this idea “breathlessly absurd,” but supporters argue it’s a small price to pay for a healthier planet. As Ms. Thunberg passionately responded, “How dare you! A moment of asphyxiation for a lifetime of purification – a fair exchange, indeed.”

While the practicality of global breath-holding remains up in the air (pun intended), this study serves as a stark reminder of the lengths to which we may need to go to address the pressing issue of climate change.

So, take a deep breath and hold it, dear reader, for it may just be your last contribution to a greener world.