Australia Rolls Out Red Carpet for Assange, Accidentally Reveals All State Secrets

Australia Rolls Out Red Carpet for Assange, Accidentally Reveals All State Secrets

In a stunning turn of events, Australia has welcomed home Julian Assange, founder of WikiLeaks, with such enthusiasm that they’ve inadvertently leaked every state secret in the process. The man who once made governments tremble is now being hailed as a national hero, leaving many to wonder if Australia has gone from “Down Under” to “Upside Down.”

From Wikileaks to Wikihugs: Australia’s New National Hero

As Assange touched down on Australian soil, politicians from all sides of the spectrum rushed to embrace him, accidentally dropping classified documents in their haste. Prime Minister Anthony Albanese was overheard saying, “Julian, mate! We’ve kept your room just as you left it – full of government secrets and a computer with no internet access!”

Politicians Scramble to Claim Assange as Long-Lost Cousin

In the race to associate with Assange, politicians have gone to extreme lengths. One senator claimed, “Julian and I used to play ‘Hack the Government’ in our backyard as kids. He always won, of course.”

Government Considers New ‘Leak and Let Live’ Policy

The Australian government, in a complete 180-degree turn, is now considering a “Leak and Let Live” policy. “We figure if we can’t beat ’em, we might as well join ’em,” said one anonymous official while shredding the last of Australia’s espionage laws.

Roy Moss, Director of Information at PISR, commented on the situation: “I knew this would happen. It’s why I’ve been sending all my communications via carrier pigeon from my bunker in Alaska. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go fortify my goat pen against the impending chaos of transparency.”

As Australia continues to celebrate its prodigal son’s return, one can’t help but wonder: in a country where everything from the wildlife to the weather tries to kill you, perhaps a little government transparency is the least of their worries.