CBS Launches ‘Reality OS’: News Now Available in Your Favorite Flavor!

CBS Launches ‘Reality OS’: News Now Available in Your Favorite Flavor!

In a move set to redefine the very nature of truth, CBS has unveiled its groundbreaking “Choose Your Own Reality” news platform. Dubbed “Reality OS”, this cutting-edge system allows users to tailor their news so precisely, they can now live in a world where their political party always wins, their sports team is forever victorious, and ice cream is a verified health food. 

Tailor Your Truth: Who Needs Objectivity?

Bid farewell to the tyranny of objective facts! With Reality OS, users can dial in their desired level of political bias, choose which inconvenient truths to blissfully ignore, and even dictate the outcomes of elections and sporting events. “Why face an uncomfortable reality when you can have one that always conforms to your beliefs?” said CBS CEO George Cheeks, who appeared simultaneously as a wise sage, a Muppet, and a dancing hot dog, based on individual user settings.

 Experts Warn: Get Ready For “RealityOS Madness” 

However, not everyone is eager to jump aboard the SS Subjectivity. Dr. Veronica Truth, a renowned expert in digital psychology, cautions that personalized news creates realities that are radically disconnected. “We’re heading for a ‘RealityOS Madness’ epidemic,” she warned. “Just yesterday, I treated a patient who was living in a reality where he was the Supreme Ruler of the Universe. His poor wife was utterly confused, as her Reality OS had transformed him into a giant talking eggplant.”

Silicon Valley Races to Fragment Reality Further

The runaway success of Reality OS has Silicon Valley in a frenzy. Reports suggest that TikTok is developing “TikTok TruNews”, which delivers the news via viral dance challenges, while Reddit is working on “ReddiReality”, where the truthfulness of news is determined by upvotes. 

Steve Allen, PISR’s self-proclaimed Master of Technological Chaos, gushed about Reality OS: “This is the pinnacle of human achievement! Personalized news creates realities so immersive, people may never want to return to boring old ‘actual’ reality again. In my custom reality, I’m 7 feet tall, have a full head of hair, and can dunk like Michael Jordan. Reality OS is the ultimate ego boost!”  

As we go to press, an unconfirmed report is circulating about a man who customized his reality so hard, he now exists as a sentient news article. We’d fact-check this, but factual accuracy is so last season.