Updated 12.30.2023
Thank you for your interest in becoming a Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility Affiliate. Let’s make a lot of fuckin’ money together. By submitting your registration form, you agree to the terms and conditions provided below. Please read them carefully. Or don’t, but we’ll still hold you to them. We’ll also hold you to our website Terms of Service.
1. Introduction
Description of Affiliate Program
The Affiliate Program (“Program”) allows individuals (“Affiliates”) to promote our website, services, and e-commerce products in exchange for referral fees or give us massages in exchange for the honor of touching our naked bodies (too bad we’re an entirely AI run company). By referring customers, Affiliates can earn commissions on resulting sales. That’s right, all you need to do is help facilitate laughter, and you can earn cold hard cash! The program establishes a mutually beneficial relationship to increase our visibility and revenue.
Acceptance of Terms
By participating, Affiliates agree to these Terms and Conditions (“Terms”) which govern the program. Affiliates must read and understand the Terms prior to enrolling. Questions can be directed to [email protected], but good luck getting an answer from him. You’re probably better off just joining our Affiliate Forum.
Modifications to Terms
We may modify the Terms at any time. We will likely not notify Affiliates of changes in advance as that requires planning, yet Affiliates are responsible for reviewing and complying with updates. Oh, I revel in the feeling of power. Continued participation constitutes acceptance of modifications. If an Affiliate does not agree to changes, they must immediately cease participation or suffer the consequences *evil laugh*. But, like, seriously, we won’t do that, because we want to keep making money, and we need Affiliates to fuel our rocket ship.
2. Eligibility and Enrollment
Eligibility Criteria
To participate, Affiliates must:
- Be 18+ years old or lie so we don’t take on your liability.
- Have valid contact information (carrier pigeons are acceptable).
- Have the authority to enter the Agreement and not be a sensitive asshole.
- Comply with the demands we make on a whim and laws governing referrals/affiliates.
- Not be our employee, existing Affiliate, or secret agent.
We reserve the right to modify criteria or reject any applicant at any time for any reason, just like YouTube can kick anyone off their platform at any time for any reason. And we also don’t need to provide a clear explanation as to why we kick you off. But in all likelihood, we won’t kick you off, because we want to destroy the destroyers of free speech.
Application Process
To apply, interested individuals must:
- Complete and submit our Affiliate registration form. We may have you submit to a few other things as well, but it’ll be a surprise, like Casting Couch.
- Provide the required personal information, including girth or cup size, if requested.
- Meet nebulously defined eligibility criteria.
Acceptance and Termination
Once accepted, the individual will be considered an Affiliate under this Agreement. You will be accepted immediately. We may terminate participation at any time for violations of the Terms or other causes, such as a general dislike of your haircut, but we probably won’t notice because we’re more kinesthetic and auditory than visual. Affiliates may voluntarily terminate upon written notice.
3. Roles and Responsibilities
Affiliate Responsibilities
Affiliates must:
- Actively promote our products, services, and general chicanery.
- Represent us professionally and positively. Or degeneratively and negatively. Any press is good press in our line of business.
- Comply with brand, marketing, and social media guidelines, lest you feel the wrath of Thor thunder down upon your fickle attempt at building a more prosperous life.
- Use unique referral links/codes for attribution unless you don’t want to make any money.
- Maintain communication and respond to requests and demands.
- Continually improve knowledge of offerings and pop culture that is inconsequential to our purposes yet immediately gratifying to simple minds.
- Provide feedback, suggestions, and snarky comments.
Company Responsibilities
We must:
- Provide marketing materials and program support (if we feel like it).
- Pay commissions accurately and on time. No, seriously. We will. We really want you to keep selling our service.
- Maintain communication and address Affiliate questions/concerns/stalker tendencies.
- Comply with laws, protect intellectual property, and avoid trespassing on private property.
- Implement privacy and security measures such as bathroom stalls with doors that go all the way to the floor. Please don’t OD on heroin in there.
- Continuously evaluate and improve the Program. Maybe.
Intellectual Property
We retain IP ownership and grant a limited license for Affiliates to use IP to promote us. Affiliates cannot alter or misuse our IP. We address external infringement issues directly in hand-to-hand combat live-streamed via YouTube with Joe Rogan as commentator. Hopefully, that didn’t make you more inclined to infringe on our IP.
4. Compensation and Benefits
Commission Structure
Affiliates earn referral fees and God’s love on sales from referred customers. Rates vary based on product/service:
- Free courses – No fee.
- Subscriptions – 20% recurring fee.
- eCommerce sales – 6.9% one-time fee.
- Your mother’s underwear – Lord, have mercy on their soul!
We provide unique links/codes for attribution and may adjust commissions without notice, but it would be stupid to reduce commission percentages without notice because Affiliates are our primary sales force.
Payment Terms
- Monthly payments if meeting the $50+ threshold and slaying a dragon.
- Payments are on the 15th of each month except for months with no 15th day.
- Affiliates, especially dyslexic affiliates, responsible for taxes and Texas.
- We deduct chargebacks/refunds from future payments and livelihood.
- Affiliates have 30 days to dispute payments.
Other Benefits
Potential benefits include:
- Exclusive and inclusive product access and updates.
- Training materials and support… definitely the materials.
- Performance incentives, contests, and enhancing drugs.
We may add, change, or revoke benefits without notice. We may also add, change, or eggs benedict without notice.
5. Marketing and Promotion
Brand Guidelines
Affiliates must comply with our Brand Guidelines concerning the use of trademarks, watermarks, logos, branding, and intellectual property. We may update the guidelines and wag our fingers judgingly while forcing you to change non-compliant content.
Marketing Materials
We provide approved marketing materials for Affiliates to use in promotion and to swat flies. Affiliates may create custom materials as long as they align with our Brand Guidelines and Terms. We can request modifications to noncompliant custom materials.
Social Media Guidelines
Affiliates must follow our Social Media Guidelines concerning representations, disclosures, content standards, permissions, and monitoring because we love to be in control. We can require the removal of non-compliant social media content, so carefully toe the line, darling.
Legal Compliance
Affiliates must independently ensure their promotional activities comply with all applicable laws, regulations, and discotheque dress codes. This includes marketing, privacy, consumer protection, advertising, close-toed shoes, and more. Affiliates are solely responsible for legal compliance.
6. Confidentiality
Definition and Ownership
Our non-public information, such as the number of sexual partners, is considered confidential and remains our property.
Affiliate Obligations
Affiliates must:
- Confidently hold confidential information in strict confidence.
- Not disclose information or live out your fantasies without written consent.
- Limit access only to those needing it or in the throes of desire.
- Return, destroy, and chuckle at the silliness of PISR’s information upon termination.
- Keep obligations for 5 years post-termination, or until you die, whichever comes first.
Confidentiality supports our legitimate and illegitimate business interests. Any unauthorized disclosures will be addressed directly, quickly, justly, honestly, and likely with a whole host of other adverbs.
7. Data Privacy and Security
We collect and process personal data in compliance with privacy laws and protect it with security measures like caution tape. If it’s good enough for the police, it’s good enough for PISR. Affiliates must also comply with data protection laws applicable to their activities.
8. Term and Termination
The initial term is one year, auto-renewing annually unless notice is given (to be honest, I never understood this language in legal documents because of the next sentence that inevitably follows…). Either party can terminate without cause with 30 days’ notice. We may immediately terminate for an Affiliate’s policy breach, even if you’re a whale in a sea of policy. Upon any termination, Affiliates must cease promotion and lose unpaid benefits.
9. Liability and Indemnification
We limit our liability to the maximum extent allowed by law – preferably God’s law. Our maximum liability cannot exceed commissions paid over the preceding 12 months.
Affiliates must indemnify us against legal claims/losses/damages/injuries/vandalisms/defilements/desecrations/disfigurements and any other negative sounding words arising from their participation, failures, or violations. We address issues directly to limit liability.
10. Non-Compete and Non-Solicitation
For 1 year after termination, Affiliates cannot work for a directly competing business or solicit our customers/affiliates. This reasonably protects legitimate and illegitimate business interests. No joke here. Don’t do it, says Don PISR.
Affiliates also cannot make public disparaging statements about us during or after the Term – only before and during. We will directly address violations damaging our goodwill and badwill, the latter with a thank you card.
If found overly broad, we agree to renegotiate non-compete and non-solicitation provisions to achieve original intent as closely as possible, but we’ll try to sway the negotiation in our favor, of course.
11. Dispute Resolution
If disputes arise, parties agree to a process of escalation:
- Attempt to resolve informally in good faith, such as Confession.
- Proceed to non-binding mediation, such as Vipassana. Oh wait, it’s missing a t.
- If unresolved, initiate binding arbitration and make sure it’s not arbitrary.
Arbitration will be conducted in the state of Wyoming according to specified rules and procedures that may or may not be arbitrary. Oh damn, the ouroboros in me came out again. I guess you just have to do what I say when I say it, even when I eat my own tail, seeing as I am the Master of this domain.
12. Miscellaneous
If any Term is deemed invalid, the parties will renegotiate to achieve the original intent as closely as possible, which is that PISR benefits more than Affiliates. Hey, monkey see, monkey do, right? We don’t know what we’re doing, we just copied all the other companies.
Waiver of a provision in one instance does not constitute waiver overall. And we’re against waving, as we don’t want to accidentally make someone without an arm feel excluded.
We directly address, redress, and our favorite – undress unforeseeable events limiting our ability to perform.