AI Prediction Model Now Officially Driving NASCAR Races

In a shocking turn of events, NASCAR officials have announced that SportsLine’s prediction model will now be officially driving all races, starting with the 2024 USA Today 301 at New Hampshire Motor Speedway.

SportsLine’s Model Takes the Wheel

The decision comes after the model’s uncanny accuracy in predicting race outcomes. “Why bother with human drivers when this AI can tell us exactly what’s going to happen?” said NASCAR CEO Jim France, shrugging nonchalantly. “It’s just more efficient this way.”

Drivers Revolt Against Their New AI Overlord

Not everyone is thrilled with the change. Martin Truex Jr., previously a 9-2 co-favorite, expressed his frustration: “I’ve spent my whole life perfecting my skills, and now I’m being replaced by a glorified calculator? This is worse than when they took away our cigarette sponsors!”

The Human Element: Now Just a Formality

To maintain the illusion of competition, drivers will still sit in their cars, but all controls will be operated by the AI. Brad Keselowski, a 16-1 longshot, seemed oddly pleased with the arrangement. “Hey, at least now I have an excuse for coming in 16th place,” he chuckled.

When reached for comment, Guru Og Tritium, Content Moderator at PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com, offered this insightful perspective: “Man, this is wild. Like, the cars are driving themselves now? That’s crazy. Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, NASCAR. Cool, cool. Hey, you got any snacks?”

As the 2024 USA Today 301 approaches, fans are left wondering if they’re watching a race or a very expensive computer simulation. Either way, the betting odds have never been more accurate.

In the end, perhaps this is the future of sports – perfectly predictable, utterly controlled, and completely devoid of the human element that made it exciting in the first place. But hey, at least the gambling addicts are happy.