Accidental Microaggressor – Refreshing hand & body lotion

Description

“Buddy, have you been caught feeling drier than your grandma’s fruitcake? Slather yourself in this wickedly zesty lotion and glide through life like a buttered-up otter at a rave. Bask in deep hydration while also deeply offending the humorless. Because who said moisturized skin and moral ambiguity can’t co-exist? 😈

-Size Matters: A voluptuous 9.8 fl. oz. – Go on, be generous.
-Earthier Than Your Hipster Friend’s Instagram: 99% natural. 14% pretentiously organic.
-COSMOS NATURAL Vibes: Got that fancy ECOCERT stamp. You won’t understand it, but it sounds cool.
-Sassy Zesty Feels: Fragrance so fresh you’ll want to slap it.
-Veganish & Delish: Even your plant-based pals will approve. And eat.
-Pump and Dump: Pump-action for maximum moisture deployment. 😉
-Made in Latvia: Because that’s where the lotion magic happens, apparently.

💡 Pro Tips:

-Slap on clean skin. (If you forgot how to clean yourself, it’s a whole other issue.)
-Patch test first. If your skin throws a fit, see a doc.
-Read the damn label before smearing it all over. Common sense, Karen.

Ingredients Cocktail: A blend of things you can’t pronounce, with a sprinkle of stuff that sounds organic and a splash of fancy essential oils. But seriously: Aqua/Water, Helianthus Annuus (Sunflower) Seed Oil*, Polyglyceryl-6 Stearate, Cetearyl Alcohol, Glycerin**, Theobroma Cacao (Cocoa) Seed Butter*, Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea) Butter*, Isoamyl Laurate, Sodium PCA, Parfum/Fragrance, Polyglyceryl-6 Behenate, Palmitic Acid, Stearic Acid, Benzyl Alcohol, Xanthan Gum, Cellulose, Sorbus Aucuparia (Rowan) Fruit Extract*, Hippophae Rhamnoides (Sea Buckthorn) Fruit Extract*, Rubus Chamaemorus (Cloudberry) Fruit Extract*, Sodium Benzoate, Lactic Acid, Potassium Sorbate, Ascorbyl Palmitate, Sodium Phytate, Tocopherol, Linalool***, Citral***, Limonene***, Citronellol***.
*Ingredients from Organic Farming
**Made using organic ingredients
***From natural essential oils

🔍 Trust Issues?: The full hit list (aka ingredient list) is smacked right on the sticker. Go scrutinize!

🛍️ Fresh AF: Whipped up on-demand. No ancient lotions here, folks.

Ready to bathe in a pool of sarcasm, satire, and seriously smooth skin? Dive right in, you audacious creature! 🚀🌌🐋”