Ticket to Heaven

Description

Heaven awaits! This exclusive golden ticket provides you express one-way access to those pearly gates above for just $11. Stop waiting and skip the line with this special offer, before God tells us we’re drastically undercharging.

This VIP pass lets you breeze right in to see those streets of gold up close, without judgment. With divine views, unlimited refills of ambrosia, 72 virgins (no Jihadism necessary with this ticket), all your old pets ready to greet you, and all your insane relatives cast down into the fiery pits of Hell so you never have to see them again, this eternal paradise package really can’t be beat!

Act now and get your Ticket to Heaven at this unbelievably low price before supplies run out or Management decides He needs more frequent pedicures. Add one to your cart today for that effortless ascent into the great beyond!

*Disclaimer: validity of ticket not guaranteed. Non-transferable. No refunds once purchased. Product or belief in product does not actually provide transportation to or guarantee entry into any type of afterlife or paradise. Celestial bureaucracy not included. Our disclaimers more transparent than most religious teachers or preachers, and certainly more transparent than religious pedophiles.