Walking-Virtue-Signal – Recycled high-waisted bikini

Description

“Alright, sun-kissed sinners and beachside badasses, we’ve got something hotter than that questionable Tinder date last summer! 🔥🌞

Introducing the “”Recycled, but Still Damn Saucy”” High-Waisted Bikini. It’s designed to hug you in all the right places (wink wink) and is more dependable than your ex. Going green has never looked so seductive. Mother Earth approves! 🌍😘

Sassy Specs:

-High enough to cover the “”I had carbs for lunch”” pouch but cheeky enough to ensure you’re not mistaken for the local nun.
-Tops come with removable pads; because sometimes we want ’em, sometimes we don’t.
-Crafted with 88% recycled polyester in the EU, so you can feel smug about saving the planet one bikini at a time.
-Weighty enough to avoid any “”peek-a-boo”” incidents when emerging from the waves (if you know what we mean).
-Sun protection? Hell yeah, we got you! UPF50+ (But still, slap on that sunscreen. We like you un-crispy.)
-Double-layered so you don’t accidentally flash the cute lifeguard (unless you want to).
-Made with love, a dash of sass, and possibly a hint of tequila by our mischievous in-house goblins.

Disclaimer: Love your bikini like it’s the last slice of pizza at 2 am. Rinse thoroughly after each scandalous swim session. Don’t let chlorine or salt linger longer than your last one-night stand.

Go on, add this gem to your cart and prepare to turn heads and drop jaws. 💁‍♀️🍹🌴👙”