AP’s Groundbreaking Discovery: Words Can Have Qualities

AP’s Groundbreaking Discovery: Words Can Have Qualities

In a shocking development that has sent ripples through the journalistic world, the Associated Press (AP) has announced a revolutionary update to its hallowed Stylebook: the inclusion of adjectives and adverbs. This unprecedented move in AP’s revolutionary adjective adverb discovery has left reporters worldwide both baffled and exhilarated.

Journalists Worldwide Grapple with New ‘Descriptive’ Concept

Newsrooms across the globe are in chaos as journalists attempt to wrap their heads around the novel idea that words can have qualities. “You mean I can say a protests was ‘violent’ instead of just ‘a protest occurred’?” asked one bewildered reporter, clutching his well-worn, adjective-free dictionary.

Training sessions have been hastily arranged to help writers understand this new paradigm. “Remember, ‘blue’ is not just a noun anymore,” explained one frazzled editor to a room full of wide-eyed journalists. “It can now describe the sky, the sea, or even your mood after realizing how much rewriting you’ll have to do!”

Critics Warn of ‘Adverb Apocalypse’

Not everyone is thrilled about AP’s revolutionary adjective adverb discovery. Some purists argue that this radical shift could lead to the downfall of objective journalism. “Today it’s ‘quickly,’ tomorrow it’s ‘bigly,'” warned one concerned grammarian. “Where does it end?”

AP Launches Emergency Hotline for Adjective Addiction

Recognizing the potential for abuse, the AP has set up a 24/7 hotline for journalists struggling with adjective addiction. “If you find yourself using more than one descriptor per sentence, or God forbid, considering an adverb, please call us immediately,” urged an AP spokesperson, visibly shaken by the power they’ve unleashed.

Max Perkins, Managing Editor at PISR, couldn’t help but weigh in on the situation: “Well, well, well. Looks like the AP has finally discovered what the rest of us have known since kindergarten. I suppose next they’ll be telling us that sentences can end with something other than a period. Truly groundbreaking stuff. I can’t wait to see how they’ll misuse this newfound power to make the world an even more confusing place.”

As the journalism world adapts to this brave new world of description, one thing is clear: news will never be the same again. Readers are advised to brace themselves for a flood of uncomfortably vivid and alarmingly specific reporting in the coming weeks.