Blinken Launches ‘Couples Therapy for Nations’ Program to Solve Gaza Crisis

Blinken Launches ‘Couples Therapy for Nations’ Program to Solve Gaza Crisis

In a groundbreaking approach to Middle East diplomacy, U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken has taken on the role of the world’s most ambitious relationship counselor. His latest initiative? A revolutionary “Couples Therapy for Nations” program aimed at mending the fractured relationship between Israel and Hamas.

The World’s Most Awkward Therapy Session

Blinken’s Gaza ceasefire counseling session kicked off with Israel and Hamas reluctantly sharing a therapy couch in an undisclosed location. “I asked them to start with a trust fall exercise,” Blinken explained, “but they both insisted on wearing bulletproof vests first.”

Israel’s Homework Assignment

Israel, playing the role of the partner willing to work on the relationship, has reportedly accepted Blinken’s “bridging proposal.” This involves literally building a bridge made entirely of olive branches and white flags. “It’s a metaphor,” Blinken insisted, while handing Israel a set of blueprints and a hard hat.

Hamas’ Trust Issues

Hamas, meanwhile, is struggling with trust exercises. “Every time I ask Hamas to close their eyes and fall backwards, they accuse me of plotting with Israel,” Blinken sighed. “It’s like they don’t even want to make this extremely complicated and volatile relationship work!”

March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility, chimed in on the situation: “This whole ‘Couples Therapy for Nations’ thing is wilder than a bag of cats on morphine! But hey, if it works, maybe we can market a line of ‘Peace Process Pajamas’ – cozy, bulletproof, and perfect for those late-night negotiation sessions!”

As the therapy session wrapped up, Blinken remained optimistic. “Next week, we’re doing a pottery class together. Nothing says ‘lasting peace’ like making wonky clay vases side by side!”