Breaking: Supreme Court Rules Dictators Now Legal in US, Citizens Excited for ‘Simplified Voting’
Breaking: Supreme Court Rules Dictators Now Legal in US, Citizens Excited for ‘Simplified Voting’
In a groundbreaking decision, the US Supreme Court has ruled that dictators are now perfectly legal and, in fact, encouraged in the United States. This landmark ruling comes as a relief to millions of Americans who found democracy “just too darn complicated.”
Democracy Deemed ‘Too Complicated’ for Modern America
Chief Justice John Roberts explained the court’s reasoning: “Look, we’ve tried this whole ‘democracy’ thing for a while now, and frankly, it’s exhausting. Dictators streamline the process. Plus, think of all the money we’ll save on election ink!”
New Perks of Dictatorship Revealed
Citizens across the nation are already celebrating the perks of their new form of government. “I’m thrilled I don’t have to remember voting dates anymore,” said Sarah Johnson, a relieved citizen. “Now I can focus on more important things, like perfecting my mandatory loyalty pledge.”
How to Prepare for Your New Supreme Leader
As Americans eagerly await their new supreme leader, experts recommend the following preparations:
1. Practice your best “adoring crowd” face
2. Invest in a good pair of boots (for licking, of course)
3. Start a “Supreme Leader” scrapbook to show your dedication
Former President Donald Trump, reached for comment, said: “I told you I was ahead of my time. Nobody knows dictators better than me, believe me!”
Elongated Muskrat, Founder and Chief PISR of PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com, shared his enthusiasm: “This is a dream come true! Now I can finally run a country like I run my companies – with an iron fist and questionable tweets. I’m already designing the official ‘Supreme Leader’ rocket!”
As America embraces its new dictatorial future, citizens are advised to stay tuned for updates on the official coronation ceremony and mandatory “voluntary” labor programs. Remember, in this brave new world, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength, and term limits are so last season!
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