California’s Plastic Bag Ban 2.0: A Sequel Nobody Asked For

California’s Plastic Bag Ban 2.0: A Sequel Nobody Asked For

In a stunning display of environmental prowess, California Governor Gavin Newsom has signed a groundbreaking bill to ban the bags that were already supposed to be banned. That’s right, folks – California’s plastic bag ban backfire is getting a sequel, and it’s promising to be just as thrilling as watching grass grow in a drought.

The Plastic Bag That Wouldn’t Die

It turns out that the 2014 ban on single-use plastic bags had a plot twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan. Instead of reducing plastic waste, it actually increased it by 47%. Who knew that allowing “reusable” plastic bags would result in more plastic? Certainly not the geniuses behind the original law.

2026: A Plastic Odyssey

Fear not, environmentally conscious Californians! Your government is on the case, and they’re moving at the speed of a three-toed sloth on vacation. The new law will take effect in 2026, giving plastic bags plenty of time to evolve sentience and stage a rebellion.

Elongated Muskrat, Founder and Chief PISR of PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com, shared his thoughts on the matter: “This is exactly why I’m building a rocket to Mars. By the time California figures out how to ban plastic bags, we’ll have colonized the red planet and polluted it with our own special brand of interplanetary plastic waste. It’s called progress, people!”

The Great Paper Bag Revolution of 2028

But wait, there’s more! In 2028, the definition of a recycled paper bag will change from 40% recycled material to more than 50%. This groundbreaking shift is expected to solve all of California’s environmental problems overnight.

“We’re confident that this 10% increase in recycled content will single-handedly reverse climate change and bring back all the extinct species,” said an overly optimistic environmentalist while hugging a tree.

California’s plastic bag ban backfire has taught us a valuable lesson: when it comes to saving the environment, it’s best to take baby steps – preferably backwards and with your eyes closed. At this rate, we can expect single-use plastic to be fully eradicated by the year 3000, give or take a century.

In the meantime, Californians are advised to start hoarding plastic bags like they’re the new cryptocurrency. After all, nothing says “I care about the environment” quite like a garage full of banned bags from 2025.