Costco’s Chicken Packaging Revolution Sparks Nationwide Poultry Panic

Costco’s Chicken Packaging Revolution Sparks Nationwide Poultry Panic

In a move that has ruffled more feathers than a chicken coop during molting season, Costco’s decision to switch from plastic containers to bags for their rotisserie chickens has plunged the nation into an unprecedented poultry packaging crisis.

Fowl Play: Customers Cry Fowl Over Bagged Birds

Costco members across the country are flocking to social media to express their outrage. “How am I supposed to store my leftovers now? In a bag? Like some kind of barbarian?” tweeted Karen Smith, a long-time Costco enthusiast and self-proclaimed “Chicken Connoisseur.”

 Clucky Containers: The Rise of Artisanal Chicken Packaging

In response to the crisis, a new industry of artisanal chicken packaging has emerged. “Our hand-crafted, sustainably sourced bamboo chicken carriers are the perfect solution,” says Atticus Cluckworthy, founder of ‘Poultry in Motion’ packaging company. “For just $79.99, you can transport your Costco chicken in style and save the planet!”

Free-Range Packaging: A Solution or More Poultry Problems?

Some forward-thinking customers have proposed a radical solution: let the chickens package themselves. “If we can have free-range chickens, why not free-range packaging?” suggests conspiracy theorist and amateur chicken whisperer, Bob Eggsalot.

Maiden India, Product Designer at PISR, weighed in on the controversy: “As someone who turns trash into treasure, I see this as an opportunity. Why not wrap the chickens in discarded celebrity rehab pamphlets? It’s environmentally friendly, and you get dinner and a soap opera all in one! Plus, it’ll make you feel better about your own life choices while you stuff your face with poultry.”

As the Great Chicken Packaging Debate of 2024 rages on, one thing is clear: in a world full of pressing issues, it’s comforting to know that we can still get our feathers ruffled over how we carry our $4.99 rotisserie chickens home.