Earth's Mini-Moon Collection Grows: Desperate Planet Seeks Attention

Earth’s Mini-Moon Collection Grows: Desperate Planet Seeks Attention

In a shocking display of celestial neediness, Earth has expanded its mini-moon collection by temporarily adopting 2024 PT5. Scientists are calling it a groundbreaking discovery, but we’re calling it “Earth’s desperate cry for attention in the cosmic cul-de-sac.”

Scientists Ecstatic Over Invisible Space Rock

A group of scientists huddled around an empty telescope, pointing excitedly at nothing

Earth’s mini-moon collection is growing, and scientists couldn’t be more thrilled about an object they can’t even see without professional equipment. Dr. Carlos de la Fuente Marcos, lead author of the study, exclaimed, “This is revolutionary! We’ve discovered a speck of cosmic dust that will briefly orbit Earth. Nobel Prize, here we come!”

Earth’s Moon Feels Threatened by New Arrivals

Sources close to the Moon report it’s feeling insecure about Earth’s newfound fascination with mini-moons. “I’ve been here for billions of years, and now Earth’s getting all excited about these cosmic pebbles? Talk about a planetary mid-life crisis,” the Moon grumbled.

Conspiracy Theorists Go Wild

Conspiracy theorist Tex Foilhat shouted, “These ‘mini-moons’ are clearly alien spy cameras sent to monitor our flat Earth! Wake up, sheeple! Earth’s mini-moon collection is just a cover-up for the impending invasion of moon-sized cats!”

NASA Administrator Bill Nelson weighed in: “We’re considering a new mission to lasso these mini-moons and create a charm bracelet around Earth. It’s either that or another Moon landing, and frankly, this is cheaper.”

Elongated Muskrat, Founder and Chief PISR of PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com, couldn’t contain his excitement: “Earth’s mini-moon collection is fantastic news! I’m already working on a line of mini-moon-themed products. How about a ‘My Other Moon is a Temporary Asteroid’ bumper sticker? It’s the perfect way to support our planet’s desperate need for attention while also funding my next Mars mission!”

A mock-up of the "My Other Moon is a Temporary Asteroid" bumper sticker on the back of a Tesla Cybertruck

As Earth continues its quest to become the most interesting planet in the solar system, we can only wonder what’s next. Perhaps it’ll start collecting comets as earrings or use Saturn’s rings as a hula hoop. One thing’s for sure: the universe is watching, and Earth is determined to put on a show.