Elon Musk Launches SpyX: Big Brother Goes to Space

In a shocking revelation that has privacy advocates reaching for their tinfoil hats, sources have revealed that SpaceX, Elon Musk’s rocket company, is building a massive network of spy satellites for U.S. intelligence agencies.

Codenamed “Musk’s Peeping Project,” also known as “Musk’s PP,” the initiative aims to launch hundreds of satellites into low Earth orbit, creating a dystopian panopticon in the sky. With this new surveillance system, the U.S. government will be able to track anyone, anywhere, at any time. As one anonymous source put it, “No one can hide… except maybe in their underground bunkers.”

Musk, known for his eccentric behavior and love of controversy, reportedly secured the $1.8 billion contract by promising intelligence officials that he could deliver “the most capable, diverse, and resilient space-based stalking system the world has ever seen.” When asked for comment, Musk simply cackled maniacally and shouted, “I am the all-seeing eye!”

Same Song, New Dance

Of course, this isn’t the first time the government has used technology to spy on its citizens. With the advent of Google Earth, it’s been possible for years to zoom in on unsuspecting sunbathers and backyard barbecues. But SpyX takes things to a whole new level, promising real-time, high-resolution imagery of every corner of the globe.

Privacy advocates are understandably concerned about the implications of this Orwellian nightmare. “It’s bad enough that our phones and smart speakers are spying on us,” lamented one activist. “Now we have to worry about satellites watching us from above? I’m moving to a cave.”

However, some see a silver lining in the SpyX program. “At least now we know that when the machines take over, Elon Musk will be their overlord,” quipped one tech enthusiast. “All hail our benevolent AI masters!”

Not Even Safe Underground

As the launch of SpyX draws near, citizens are left to ponder the future of privacy in an age where even the heavens have eyes. In the meantime, Musk is reportedly working on his next project: a mind-reading Neuralink implant that will allow the government to monitor our thoughts directly. Because why spy from space when you can spy from inside our brains?