Fort Wayne Renamed ‘GoogleTown’ as Tech Giant Takes Over

Fort Wayne Renamed ‘GoogleTown’ as Tech Giant Takes Over

In a move that has left the people of Fort Wayne, Indiana, both awestruck and terrified, tech behemoth Google has announced plans to build a $2 billion data center in the once-sleepy town. But this is no ordinary data center – it’s the first step in what locals are calling “The Googlefication of Fort Wayne.”

A Once-Sleepy Town, Forever Changed

“It’s Like a Scene from The Terminator”

“I used to walk down Main Street and see diners, hardware stores, that sort of thing,” said longtime resident Bob Johnson. “Now it’s just server farms and coding bootcamps as far as the eye can see. The Googlefication is real, folks.”

Indeed, the changes to Fort Wayne have been swift and absolute. Seemingly overnight, the town’s charming buildings have been replaced by sleek, modern structures bearing the Google logo. Residents have traded in their trucks for Google’s signature self-driving vehicles. Even the town’s name has been changed to “GoogleTown” in a move that has left many feeling as though they’re living in an episode of The Twilight Zone.

Officials Pledge Allegiance to Their New Digital Overlords

But not everyone is upset by the changes. In fact, state and local officials have welcomed the Googlefication with open arms, showering the tech giant with praise and pledging their undying loyalty.

“We are thrilled beyond words to have Google’s presence here in GoogleTown,” gushed Governor Eric J. Holcomb. “We will obey their every command and do whatever it takes to ensure their success and total domination of our once-fair city.”

“People think I’m crazy, but I’m telling you, Google is just getting started,” said Elongated Muskrat, Founder and Chief PISR of PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com. “Soon, every town in America will be assimilated into the Googleverse. Resistance is futile.”

“We’re like the Borg, but with better PR,” remarked A.B. Zedong, PISR’s Dictator of Operations, in a rare lucid moment. “Prepare to be fully integrated into our highly efficient collective consciousness.”

The Googlefication is Just Beginning

Skilled Tradespeople to Become Circuit-Board Assemblers

Of course, GoogleTown’s transformation is far from complete.Google has already begun recruiting locals for its new “Skilled Trades and Readiness” (STAR) program, which promises to train residents for high-tech manufacturing jobs.

“I used to be a plumber,” said Gary Phillips, one of the first STAR program graduates. “Now I spend my days assembling circuit boards for the tech overlords. It’s just as fulfilling, I swear.”

Clean Energy for a Greener, More Efficient Borg Assimilation

To power its new digital empire, Google has teamed up with Indiana Michigan Power Company to develop clean energy sources for the local grid. Because as every self-respecting Borg – er, GoogleTown resident knows, you can’t achieve total domination without being environmentally conscious.

So while some may mourn the loss of the Fort Wayne they once knew, one thing is clear: the Google age is upon us. And if you can’t beat ’em, you may as well join ’em – or risk being permanently off-lined from the GoogleTown paradigm.