Gen Z Launches “Operation Save Our Scrolls”: TikTok Ban Workarounds Go Nuclear

Gen Z Launches “Operation Save Our Scrolls”: TikTok Ban Workarounds Go Nuclear

In what experts are calling “the most dramatic overreaction since the great Tumblr exodus,” Gen Z users nationwide are implementing increasingly desperate TikTok ban workarounds as the threat of a platform shutdown looms. Reports indicate a 2000% surge in teenagers claiming they need to “study quantum physics to build a parallel internet where TikTok lives forever.”

Underground Revolution Headquarters: Bedroom Edition

“This is literally worse than when my great-grandparents lived through actual historical events,” says Jessica, 15, while coding a blockchain-based TikTok alternative using her graphing calculator. “We’re not going down without a fight, and yes, we’ll document every second of that fight in perfectly choreographed 15-second intervals.”

Tech Industry Veterans Watch in Amazement

March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR, observes: “These kids are wilder than a bag of cats on espresso! I’ve seen some crazy stuff in my day, but watching a 14-year-old build a VPN using nothing but a raspberry pi and pure teenage spite? That’s some next-level dedication, baby!”

The Rise of Analog TikTok

Meanwhile, innovative teens have begun creating “analog TikTok,” a sophisticated system of flipbooks and interpretive dance moves performed in school hallways. “If they take our digital platform,” declares self-appointed resistance leader Tyler, 16, “we’ll just have to make everything go viral the old-fashioned way – through elaborate underground dance networks and morse code memes.”