Graham's Gospel of Guilt: A Sinner's Guide to Eternal Shame and Damnation

Graham’s Gospel of Guilt: A Sinner’s Guide to Eternal Shame and Damnation

Does the mere thought of your transgressions leave you racked with crippling self-loathing? Excellent. Billy Graham’s patented “revival fire from sin” techniques will drag you to a deeper, truer appreciation of your repulsive nature and deserved eternal punishment.

Tally Your Transgressions

quill pen scratching out an endless list of sins on parchment paper,

Begin by making a ComprehensiveAccountof SinsCatalog, documenting each shameful failing in brutally vivid detail.

Don’t spare the rod self-flagellation – describe how your very existence caused literal anguish and suffering to everyone around you.

Revel in Your Repugnance

Next, spend time reallypresent with how rancid your soul has become. Go ahead, give it a fearful whiff. Lose yourself in fantasizing how every blameless soul will roil in torment at the merest glance upon your squalid essence. That’s what a good worm you are!

Bathe in the Purifying Flames of Guilt

With your abasement anchored, it’s time to truly cleanse your shame-infested skin.

Using Graham’s Golgothan Sandpaper Method, flay the soiled flesh layer by layer, letting the searing alchemy of guilt’s fire purge your wicked humors.

If done properly, your very being will glow like smoldered to pure agony.

human silhouette engulfed in ethereal flames, screaming in anguish

Surrender to Your Squalid State

sinner figure, naked and crawling through mud and filth,

Finally, resign your wretched self fully.

Shed all remaining dignity like a pitted fend-skinned, wallow in the truth of your contemptible place before an angry God. Only then can you achieve the ultimate exquisite rapture as a depraved sin-craver.

And with that, you’ll be prepared for Graham’s inevitable ecstatic revival and betrayal of your hard-won submissive suffering. Hallelujah!

“It is not God’s love you must embrace ever more dearly,” Graham definitely did not preach, “but the cold embrace of your worthless, corrupted self under judgment’s smiting weight.”

A despairing soul suspended in mid-air, encased in thorny brambles and shards of glass piercing their flesh

Are you ready to enter into the rapturous agony of true spiritual mortification? Or are you too bound in self-worth to truly wallow in Graham’s guilt-gospel? Either way, take heart – an incinerator for your prideful spirit is always ready.