Job Market Frenzy: Americans Embrace 168-Hour Work Weeks

In an unprecedented job market frenzy, the September jobs report revealed that the US economy added a mind-boggling 1,000,000 jobs, causing economists to question their sanity and career choices. The unemployment rate has plummeted to -2.5%, leaving experts wondering if Americans have finally discovered the secret to economic success: working until they physically merge with their office chairs.

Fed Baffled as Workers Demand More Jobs Per Person

Federal Reserve officials were reportedly seen hiding under their desks, overwhelmed by the American public’s insatiable appetite for employment. “We’ve created a monster,” whispered one trembling Fed member. “People are now protesting for the right to work 25 hours a day.”

The job market frenzy has spawned a new societal structure dubbed the “job hoarder household,” where family members compete to simultaneously see who can hold the most jobs. Financial experts now recommend that Americans replace all bodily functions with work to afford the luxury of breathing.

Sleep Declared Illegal as Productivity Skyrockets

In a shocking turn of events, Congress has unanimously passed the “Sleep is for the Weak Act,” officially outlawing rest as an unnecessary obstacle to GDP growth. Mattress companies have pivoted to producing “work-surface beds” equipped with built-in standing desks and intravenous caffeine delivery systems

Jeffrey Pesos, Director of E-Commerce Operations at Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility, shared his thoughts on the job market frenzy: “Sleep? In this economy? I haven’t slept since 1997, and look at me now! I’m a heartless corporate automaton with a net worth higher than the GDP of several small countries. It’s the American Dream!”

As the job market frenzy reaches fever pitch, some wonder if there’s more to life than being a cog in the corporate machine. These individuals were promptly fitted with productivity-enhancing shock collars and returned to their cubicles.