Space, the Final Frontier: Kamala Harris and NASA’s New Horizons

Space, the Final Frontier: Kamala Harris and NASA’s New Horizons

Can’t Wait to Hear What She Says Now

In an age where the final frontier beckons with the siren call of unexplored realms, Vice President Kamala Harris and NASA have launched a daring initiative that promises to redefine humanity’s place in the cosmos. The project, dubbed “Space, the Final Frontier,” aims to establish the first-ever interstellar coffee shop on Mars, serving as a beacon of terrestrial hospitality in the cold, dark void.

In a speech given on Tuesday, Harris passionately declared, “Space is so cool and exciting! And this venture shall elevate mankind, not with the rockets of propulsion, but with the wings of espresso that will solve world hunger!” Harris then cackled uncontrollably for at least 30 seconds before attempting to regain composure so she could continue. “Plus, the government has to finish at least one project before Elon Musk, that guy is mean.”

Coffee in Space?

As Starbucks Founder Howard Schultz has accurately pointed out, Harris presented fabricated studies as evidence that zero-gravity coffee beans could solve world hunger. “I mean, I like coffee as much as the next guy. More, probably. And I certainly have a substantial financial stake in the growth of the coffee industry. But Harris’ assertion is just plain wrong and backed up by research that she excitedly claims was conducted in the year 2143.”

Yes She Is

Harris’ speech suggests that the real missionof “Space, the Final Frontier” isn’t just about conquering new worlds, but about keeping your attention on a deeply confused woman.