MOHELA’s Epic Blunder Leads to Accidental Student Debt Cancellation

MOHELA’s Epic Blunder Leads to Accidental Student Debt Cancellation

In a twist that would make even the most incompetent sitcom character blush, student loan servicer MOHELA has accidentally canceled all $1.7 trillion of American student debt due to what company insiders are calling “a perfect storm of stupidity.”

The $1.7 Trillion “Oopsie”

Sources report that a MOHELA employee, mistaking the “Cancel All Debt” button for the “Order Pizza” button on their new “Loan-B-Gone 3000” software, inadvertently wiped out decades of crippling financial burdens for millions of Americans.

“I was just trying to order lunch,” said the anonymous employee. “Who knew student loan management software even had a ‘Cancel All Debt’ button? And why is it right next to ‘Extra Cheese’?”

Department of Education’s Hilarious Dilemma

The accidental student debt cancellation has left the Department of Education in a side-splitting quandary. Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona was overheard muttering, “Well, I guess this solves that problem… and creates about a thousand new ones” before diving headfirst into a nearby hedge.

To Fire or Not to Fire?

As Democratic lawmakers call for an investigation into MOHELA’s practices, some are questioning whether to fire the company or nominate them for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Senator Elizabeth Warren commented, “On one hand, they’ve shown gross incompetence. On the other hand, they’ve accomplished what we’ve been trying to do for years. It’s like they’ve cured cancer by accidentally dropping a petri dish. Do we punish them or start dropping more petri dishes?”

Adam S. Marks, CFO of Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility, weighed in on the situation: “Look, I’ve made some pretty big mistakes in my day, usually involving tequila and my ex-wife’s car, but this takes the cake. Maybe we should hire these guys to manage our company’s finances. Who knows, they might accidentally make us billionaires! Or bankrupt us. Either way, it’ll be one hell of a party.”

As millions of former student loan borrowers celebrate their unexpected financial freedom by immediately taking out new loans for jet skis and avocado toast farms, MOHELA executives are reportedly taking an extended “team-building retreat” to a remote island with no extradition treaties and excellent pizza delivery services.

In conclusion, this accidental student debt cancellation proves that sometimes, the key to solving America’s biggest problems isn’t careful planning or bipartisan cooperation – it’s sheer, unbridled incompetence. So the next time you’re facing a seemingly insurmountable challenge, just remember: have you tried accidentally hitting the wrong button?