JD Vance Launches Nationwide ‘Pet Protection Program’ After Imaginary Success in Ohio

JD Vance Launches Nationwide ‘Pet Protection Program’ After Imaginary Success in Ohio

In a bold move following his groundbreaking “cat meme” campaign in Ohio, Republican VP nominee JD Vance has announced a nationwide rollout of his “Pet Protection Program.” The initiative aims to combat the entirely fictional threat of immigrants consuming America’s beloved furry friends.

Vance’s Bold New Initiative

“The American media totally ignored this stuff until Donald Trump and I started talking about cat memes,” Vance proudly declared. “Now, we’re taking our success in creating stories to a national level!”

The ‘Adopt-a-Pet, Save-a-Meal’ Program

The cornerstone of Vance’s new campaign is the “Adopt-a-Pet, Save-a-Meal” program. Citizens are encouraged to adopt as many pets as possible to prevent them from becoming part of the non-existent immigrant diet.

“For every pet you adopt, that’s one less meal for our imaginary pet-eating crisis,” Vance explained. “It’s a win-win situation!”

Nationwide Rollout of Misinformation

Vance’s team is hard at work creating a variety of new, entirely fabricated stories to spread across the country. “We’re not limiting ourselves to just pets,” said March E. Tellerman, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness. “We’re cooking up tales about immigrants eating garden gnomes, stealing clouds, and even sabotaging the nation’s supply of spray tan. The sky’s the limit when you’re making stuff up!”

As Vance embarks on his national “Vance misinformation pet eating campaign,” Americans can rest easy knowing their pets are safe from a threat that never existed in the first place. Remember, folks: in the world of JD Vance, if you have to create stories to get attention, that’s just good politics!