Breaking News: International Law Experts Declare Pagers ‘Too Retro’ for Warfare

Breaking News: International Law Experts Declare Pagers ‘Too Retro’ for Warfare

In a shocking turn of events, international law experts have ruled that the use of pagers in modern warfare is not just illegal, but also “way too retro” for 21st-century conflicts. This groundbreaking decision comes after reports of booby-trapped pagers being used against Hezbollah, leaving military strategists worldwide scrambling to find the next trendy gadget for their covert operations.

The Cutting Edge of Yesteryear’s Technology

Who knew that the key to outsmarting your enemies was to go retro? Apparently, some creative minds decided that the best way to catch Hezbollah off guard was to use technology so old, it practically qualifies for a senior citizen discount.

When Your Grandma’s Tech Becomes a War Crime

International law experts are in a tizzy, trying to figure out how to classify this blast from the past. “We never thought we’d have to update the Geneva Conventions to include a section on outdated consumer electronics,” said one flustered legal scholar, who wished to remain anonymous.

The Geneva Convention vs. The Motorola Convention

As militaries worldwide grapple with this new ruling, some are already looking for loopholes. “What about flip phones?” asked one general. “Are those still fair game, or do we need to stick to carrier pigeons now?”

March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility, chimed in: “Folks, this is a golden opportunity! We’re launching a new line of ‘Legally Compliant Warfare Gadgets’ – guaranteed to keep you on the right side of international law while still annoying the heck out of your enemies. First up: the WarFax 3000!”

As the dust settles on this landmark decision, one thing is clear: the arms race has officially become a race to the bottom of the junk drawer. In the meantime, military leaders are advised to stick to more traditional methods of warfare, like strongly worded emails and passive-aggressive post-it notes.