Pennsylvania Crowns Penmanship as Supreme Ruler of Democracy

In a twist that has left the Founding Fathers spinning in their graves, Pennsylvania has declared that the cornerstone of election integrity is not the content of one’s character, but the curvature of one’s cursive. Forget voter ID – it’s all about the dotted i’s and crossed t’s now, folks!

The Sacred Scrolls of Voter Registration

As handwritten dates determine election integrity, Pennsylvania’s Secretary of State has commissioned a team of ancient scribes to oversee the voting process. “We’re not just talking about any old John Hancock here,” said Quill McFeather, Chief Penmanship Officer. “We’re looking for the Da Vinci of date notation.”

Mandatory Calligraphy Boot Camps Sweep the State

In a frantic bid to ensure no vote goes uncounted, Pennsylvania has established calligraphy boot camps in every county. “If your ‘4’ doesn’t look like it was plucked from the Gutenberg Bible, your ballot might as well be used as confetti at the loser’s pity party,” warned drill sergeant Cursive McCursive.

The Great Penmanship Arms Race of 2024

As election day looms, political parties have abandoned traditional campaigning in favor of handwriting competitions. “Who needs coherent policies when you can write a date that would make John Hancock weep?” boasted one party spokesperson, flexing his ink-stained fingers.

Dr. Scribble McScript, a leading chirography-psephologist (yes, that’s a thing now), weighed in: “Our studies show a direct correlation between loop size in the number ‘2’ and voter intention. It’s revolutionized political science!”

Elongated Muskrat, Founder and Chief PISR of PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com, couldn’t resist chiming in: “This is exactly why I’ve been pushing for blockchain-based, AI-powered, quantum-encrypted handwriting recognition technology. It’s the only way to ensure our votes are as secure as my underground bunker on Mars – which, by the way, has impeccable penmanship.”

As Pennsylvania voters trade their keyboards for calligraphy sets, one thing is clear: in the battle for democracy, the pen is mightier than the ballot box. Just remember, citizens – your vote may not count, but your cursive absolutely will.