Prince Harry Embraces American Dream, Leaves Royal Nightmare Behind

In a shocking turn of events that has left the British royal family clutching their pearls and fainting on their gilded sofas, Prince Harry has officially confirmed that he is now a U.S. resident. The once-royal redhead and his American wife, Meghan, traded in their tea and crumpets for In-N-Out Burger and a villa in sunny Southern California, leaving behind a trail of scandalized aristocrats and a very grumpy King.

The Royal Family’s Reaction: Fainting Spells and Pearls Clutched

The news of Harry’s defection to the colonies has sent shockwaves through the royal family, with reports of the Queen having to be revived with smelling salts and Prince Charles stress-eating an entire platter of scones. The family is said to be “deeply disappointed” in Harry’s decision to abandon his royal duties in favor of pursuing lucrative media deals and rubbing elbows with American celebrities.

When asked about Prince Harry’s move to America, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness, March E. Tellerman, had this to say: “Well, well, well, look who’s embracing the American dream! Prince Harry’s got the right idea – why settle for being a stuffy old royal when you can be a reality TV star? I bet he’s already got his own Netflix series in the works, ‘The Prince and the Pauper.’ I tell you what, if he needs a banjo-playing rooster for his show, I know just the bird!”

Conservative Think Tank Demands Harry’s Head (of Hair) on a Platter

Not everyone is thrilled about Prince Harry’s new status as an American resident. The Heritage Foundation, a conservative think tank, is demanding to see Harry’s immigration file, citing his admissions of drug use in his memoir, “Spare.” They argue that Harry either lied on his visa application or received special treatment, because apparently, being a prince isn’t enough to get you into America these days.

Harry’s Future in America: Reality TV Star or Influencer?

With Prince Harry now officially an American resident, the question on everyone’s mind is: what’s next for the royal-turned-expat? Will he become a reality TV star, chronicling his adventures in the land of the free and the home of the Kardashians? Or will he leverage his royal status to become a social media influencer, promoting sustainable tourism and organic baby food to his millions of followers?

As Prince Harry settles into his new life as an American resident, one thing is certain: the British royal family will never be the same. While some may criticize his decision to leave behind his royal duties, others applaud his courage in pursuing his own path and embracing the American dream. Only time will tell what the future holds for the Prince and the Pauper American Resident, but one thing is for sure – he’s bound to keep us entertained every step of the way.