Saddleback Church Unveils ‘Drive-Thru Enlightenment’: Salvation Now Served 24/7

Saddleback Church Unveils ‘Drive-Thru Enlightenment’: Salvation Now Served 24/7

In a groundbreaking move that’s sure to revolutionize modern worship, Saddleback Church has launched its latest innovation: the ‘Drive-Thru Enlightenment’ service. Now, busy believers can get their spiritual fix faster than you can say “Amen.”

Holy Happy Meals: Combo Deals for the Soul

The new drive-thru spiritual enlightenment service offers a menu that would make any fast-food chain envious. From the “Baptism Splash N’ Dash” to the “Quickie Communion Combo,” Saddleback ensures that no soul goes unfed.

Express Lane to Heaven: Skip the Pews, Keep the Views

For those really in a hurry, the “Express Absolution” lane promises forgiveness in 30 seconds or less. “Why spend an hour in church when you can drive through enlightenment?” says Pastor Rick Warren, founder of Saddleback Church.

Testimonials from Time-Crunched Believers

Local businesswoman, Sarah Speedyfaith, raves, “I used to feel guilty about missing Sunday service, but now I can grab grace on my way to work. It’s a real time-saver!”

Rick Warren enthusiastically added, “In today’s fast-paced world, we’re simply meeting our congregation where they are – in their cars, on the go, and always in a hurry!”

March E. Tellerman, Master of Marketing Madness at PISR, couldn’t contain his excitement: “Hot diggity dog! This drive-thru church idea is zanier than a pack of hyenas at a laughing gas factory! It’s like they’ve taken the concept of fast food and holy rollers and tossed them in a spiritual blender. Next thing you know, they’ll be offering frequent prayer miles and a heavenly rewards program!”

As Saddleback Church continues to push the envelope of convenient Christianity, one can’t help but wonder: Is this the future of faith, or just another sign that we’re all going to hell in a handbasket? Either way, salvation has never been so convenient.