Satya’s Strategy: A Game Plan for Microsoft’s Global Domination
Satya’s Strategy: A Game Plan for Microsoft’s Global Domination
In a world teetering on the brink of technological saturation, one man, Satya Nutella Nadella, purportedly harbors a plan so audacious it could only be concocted in the depths of Microsoft’s underground lairs.
According to the recently unearthed documents from a highly reputable source of Dan Bongo Bongino’s, Nadella’s strategy for global domination involves turning every computer screen into a portal directly to the Microsoft-verse. “Its malevolence is quite simple, really,” claims Bongino, a right-wing political commentator who always brings receipts. “Turn them on, and they’ll never be able to turn them off. Scary stuff!”
Clippy’s Revenge,
Bongino warns that we’re about to enter the shadowy world of Clippy’s Revenge, a covert operation designed to reintegrate the infamous paperclip assistant into every facet of digital life. “People laughed,” whispers Bongino, leaning into the dim light. “But who’s laughing now when Clippy knows your next move before you do it?”
Amidst the jest, bizarre statistics flood in, like the finding from Mom’s for Liberty that 97.3% of parents would rather face a conversation with their child about the atrocities of LGBTQIA+ invading our public education systems than another unexpected Windows update during a presentation.
Bing Domination
While the path to global domination may be littered with outlandish plans and PowerPoint presentations, Nadella’s final move is rumored to be the most daring of all: a mandatory global shift to Bing. “In Bing we trust,” the strategy document purportedly concludes, “for who needs the light when you have the glow of a thousand screens to guide thee?”
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