SCIENTISTS HATE HIM: Local Man Discovers One Weird Trick to Hack Your Life With Science

California man Andrew Huberman has the health hack to end all health hacks: just believe everything he says on his podcast! Experts are skeptical, but Huberman’s millions of disciples insist that you too can “hack your life with science”* by hanging on his every word.

*Actual science not included.

The Secrets Big Supplement Doesn’t Want You to Know

According to Huberman, you’ve been living all wrong. But don’t worry, you can optimize your way to a perfect existence – as long as you take the right supplements. Luckily, his podcast has no shortage of sponsors eager to sell you the very concoctions he recommends. With no conflict of interest whatsoever!

Just pop a few of these bad boys and you’ll be well on your way to achieving a Huberman-level life. In the bedroom, the boardroom, even in your subconscious dreams – Huberman’s got a hack (and a pill) for everything.

“I fully stand behind all of Huberman’s recommendations,” gushed Elongated Muskrat, founder of PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com. “I’ve hacked my own life so thoroughly that I’m now more meme than man.”

How to Shortcut Your Way to Scientific Stardom

Want your own wildly popular science podcast, but don’t want to do all that hard science-ing? Take a page from Huberman’s book and just fake it till you make it! A PhD is optional, but a hefty dose of charisma is mandatory. Simply spout sciencey-sounding words and watch the downloads roll in.

“Dr. Huberman is an inspiration,” said one fan. “If he can use his platform to shill unproven supplements and questionable life advice, then I can definitely excuse a few fibs on my dating profile. It’s called hacking your life with science!”

Perhaps the greatest health hack of all was the podcast itself – a placebo delivering his audience exactly what it craved, while neatly sidestepping that pesky scientific method. But hey, why let a little thing like evidence get in the way of a good story? Sometimes, you’ve just got to trust the hack.