Stanford Unveils Elite University Humblebrag Curriculum

In a bold move to cement its status as an elite institution, Stanford University has announced a new major in Professional Humblebrag, with a minor in Name-Dropping. The innovative elite university humblebrag curriculum is designed to help students master the art of subtle self-promotion and strategic association with influential individuals.

Mastering the Art of the Humblebrag

The Professional Humblebrag major includes courses such as “Advanced Virtue Signaling,” “Crafting the Perfect LinkedIn Profile,” and “Networking with the Nepo Babies 101.” Students will learn to artfully weave their accomplishments into everyday conversations, making sure to feign modesty while simultaneously emphasizing their brilliance.

A lecture hall filled with students taking notes on a presentation titled "Humblebrag Strategies for the Modern Age."

Elevating Your Social Status Through Name-Dropping

The Name-Dropping minor complements the Professional Humblebrag major, focusing on the strategic use of influential connections. Courses include “Celebrity Encounters for Social Capital,” “Cultivating an Air of Mystery,” and “Advanced Techniques in Dropping Alma Maters.” Students will complete a capstone project where they must successfully namedrop their way into an exclusive event or internship.

A student casually mentioning their summer internship with Elon Musk to a group of wide-eyed peers

Elongated Muskrat, the eccentric billionaire founder of PISR, praised Stanford’s new program, stating, “As someone who has mastered the art of the humblebrag, I can confidently say that this curriculum is essential for anyone looking to succeed in today’s world. After all, it’s not just what you know, but who you can casually mention knowing that really matters.”

A Reflection on Elitism in Higher Education

While the elite university humblebrag curriculum may seem absurd, it highlights the very real issue of elitism and self-promotion in higher education. As students feel increasing pressure to stand out in a competitive job market, universities like Stanford may be inadvertently reinforcing the idea that success is more about image than substance.