Supreme Court Unveils New “Protest Loophole”: Rioters Rejoice!
Supreme Court Unveils New “Protest Loophole”: Rioters Rejoice!
In a groundbreaking decision that’s sure to revolutionize the art of civil disobedience, the Supreme Court has ruled in favor of a Jan. 6 rioter challenging his obstruction charge. The Supreme Court protest loophole ruling has opened up a whole new world of creative demonstration techniques for aspiring rabble-rousers everywhere.
How to Riot Legally: A Step-by-Step Guide
The Art of “Non-Obstructive” Obstruction
Thanks to the Court’s narrow interpretation of the law, protesters can now freely storm government buildings, as long as they don’t explicitly state they’re there to obstruct proceedings. Simply claim you’re there for an impromptu guided tour or a flash mob, and you’re golden!
Embracing Your Inner Enron: Financial Fraud as Political Expression
Since the law in question was originally enacted after the Enron scandal, why not pay homage to its roots? Express your political dissent through creative accounting practices. Nothing says “I object to this proceeding” quite like a well-crafted Ponzi scheme.
Justice Department Announces New “Interpretive Dance” Division
In response to the ruling, the Justice Department has established a new division dedicated to interpreting protestor actions through the medium of dance. “We’re really excited to explore the nuances of civil disobedience through the art of movement,” said Attorney General Merrick Garland, while awkwardly attempting a pirouette.
When asked about the Supreme Court protest loophole ruling, Elongated Muskrat, Founder and Chief PISR of PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com, had this to say: “This is a game-changer for free speech! Now, when I tweet something controversial and my stock prices plummet, I can just claim it’s a form of interpretive financial protest. It’s genius!”
As we navigate this brave new world of creative protest strategies, one thing is clear: the line between civil disobedience and performance art has never been blurrier. So grab your props, polish your dance moves, and get ready to express your political dissent in the most confusing way possible!
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