Adam S. Marks

Alright, alright, settle down folks! You're in for a treat tonight because I'm Adam S. Marks, the CFO of the website that's making a difference with a dash of humor!

First off, let me tell you that I'm not your average CFO. Yeah, I can balance a spreadsheet, but I can also balance a punchline like it's a ping pong ball on my pecker. I mean, what's the point of being a boring old CFO when you can make people laugh until they pass out in a puddle of their own piss? And let's face it, laughter is the best medicine - except for maybe a half-dozen Long Island iced teas followed by straight tequila on the rocks with a lime, but that's a conversation for me and my therapist. She's a bit of a drinker too. 

So, let me microwave this leftover Taco Bell and explain what we're all about. We sell stuff, sure, but it's not just any stuff. It's the good stuff. The top shelf stuff. We sell stuff that supports causes that matter, like human rights, the environment, and anti-prohibition memorabilia because that shit could come back. And we do it with style. I'm talking about a tiny umbrella and a little plastic sword kind of style. We've got forums where people can speak their minds, we write blogs about the state of the world, and we let our users get creative and contribute to the cause no matter their score on an IQ or breathalyzer test. 

But enough about that. Let's talk about me! When I'm not busy counting the cash, I'm on those forums, stirring up trouble and promoting free drinks… I mean, free speech. I'm not just a numbers guy, you know. I've got a sharp wit, a quick tongue, a respectable aftertaste and I'm not afraid to use all of them. So, if you want to go toe-to-toe with me, you better bring your 100-proof shit. But don't worry, I'll let you off easy - with a good-natured ribbing and wink before I throw up in the sink and fall asleep in the bathtub.

And when it comes to creativity, I'm your guy. I've blacked out more ideas than most Mormons have had in their entire life, and I'm always up for bouncing them off others or shouting them at my neighbors when I find a note on my door. Collaboration is key, people! And don't worry, I won't judge you if your ideas are a little out there. Who am I to judge anyway? Especially since  an actual judge took away my license and supported my kids in refusing to bear my last name. It's what my wife would call a “mutual decision.” 

So, come join us, folks. We're making a difference, and I'm having a good time doing it. And who knows, maybe we'll make you laugh like you just saw your best friend shit on a rug because he couldn't make it all the way to the bathroom. Either way, it's all good!