Elongated Muskrat
Founder and Chief PISRElongated Muskrat Biography
Hi there, it's great to be here! I'm Elongated Muskrat, the founder and Chief PISR of "PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com". I'm thrilled to share my story with you today.
I was born into a wealthy family, but I've always been passionate about having too much time to think about stuff. When I was in college, I studied economics and political science, and then I wanted a law degree so they gave me one. However, I soon realized that I could make a greater difference as a dreamer.
In 2023, I bought “PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com” for $44 billion before it even launched from 3 college students who thought it would be ironic to make an online marketplace that caters to socially conscious consumers. We sell products that support a range of causes, such as human rights and probably mostly white people rights. But what sets us apart is that all of our products are fair trade, environmentally friendly, and ethically sourced from impoverished print-on-demand companies all over the world and are probably sexually appealing to some types of human beings. The products, not the companies. Don't need an HR scandal.
I'm also incredibly proud of our vibrant online community at "PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com". Our forums are a place where people can speak their minds and discuss current events without fear of censorship because I say what I want and I'm rich as fuck so my consequences are minimal. And to inject a little reality into the news, I've asked strangers I met at Whole Foods to weigh in on anything they feel like just like I do.
But perhaps what I'm most proud of is our "DoGooder Creatives" [Do Good While Being You] program. I believe that everyone has something valuable to contribute, whether it's a clever slogan, a thought-provoking design, or a flying car where I've deflowered 6 virgins. That's why we created a platform allowing our users to submit their designs, videos, and other locations for consensual deflowerment. It's been incredible to see the talent and creativity that our community has to offer.
Anyways, I'm a dreamer who is passionate about improving the world and empowering others to do the same. "PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com" is just one way that I hope to achieve that dream. All I ask of you, the people, is to be honest and not make this look like I'm the one who fucked up.
Elongated Muskrat Contact Information
-
Email
[email protected]
Professional Experience
-
Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility
Founder and Chief PISR (CEO) | 2023 - whenever the duck I sell it
- Established "PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com" for a reasonable sum of $44 billion, thereby procuring it from the clutch of 3 Mark Zuckerberg-type college students before its inception (not the movie). Currently commanding the helm and avoiding gold diggers.
- Implemented the principle of social consciousness within a free market space, while ensuring a balancing act of profiting from environmentally friendly and sensually appealing items while also probably embarrassing myself.
- Fostered a safe space for billionaires to casually pass off offensive statements as humor, disguised under the cloak of "free speech."
- Pioneered the "DoGooder Creatives" program where creative inputs from our users are welcomed especially when it involves flying cars and morally questionable, but legally defensible acts of deflowering.
-
Philanthropic Offender
Self-Made Philanthropist | 2018 - Present
- Initiated a new era of philanthropy by generously donating money to causes that I perceive as important because I know what's important.
- Launched an initiative to further the rights of privileged white people and “underprivileged sodomites who are poor by choice and offensive in appearance.”
- Continually confused the public.
-
Revolutionary in Chief
Whole Foods Discussion Club | 2012 - Present
- Founded an unconventional platform for random Whole Foods customers to share unfiltered opinions on societal and political issues because it makes me look like I care.
- Successfully converted grocery shopping into a mentally stimulating and controversial experience for billionaires who don't promote women eating.
- Enabled ordinary citizens to get a taste of my billionaire lifestyle by engaging them in debates typically reserved for the elite.
-
Chaos Engineer
Flying Car Extravaganza | 2010 - Present
- Masterminded the creation and launch of a flying car which became infamous for reasons unrelated to its aeronautical capabilities and made me famous for mine. Heyoo!
- Embarked on a daring, yet questionable, mission to create additional "flying deflowering locations" which challenged societal norms and sparked international discussions about the size of a Honda Civic's back seat.
- Continually kept PR teams worldwide on their toes by being myself.
-
Dreamer & Professional Degree Accumulator
Self-Employed | 2006-present
- Pursued and successfully received a law degree because I'm famous and I wanted it.
- Employed the vast amounts of unoccupied time to contemplate the intricacies of life and the universe, leading to the realization of my true calling - being a professional dreamer.
Education
-
Bachelor of Arts in Economics and Political Science
Some Ivy League School - 2003
-
Juris Doctor (J.D.)
Some Other Ivy League School - 2006
Skills
-
Spending enormous amounts of money.
-
Generating ideas while having zero regard for if anyone gives a fecal matter.
-
Establishing a thriving, yet controversial online community.
-
Convincing strangers to provide commentary on sensitive issues despite their lack of koalifications.
-
Launching questionable social programs.
Hobbies
-
Dreaming of ways to change the world while comfortably ensconced in a literal billionaire bubble.
-
Indulging in overt displays of political incorrectness and fuckin bitches.
-
Conversing with random Whole Foods customers about their unfiltered opinions on current events.
-
Avoiding HR scandals. 9 for 10. Fuck Judy!
References
-
Available upon request or when I feel like dropping another bombshell during a conversation.
-
Elvis.
