Junior Manager Sr.

Junior Manager Sr. Biography

Hello there, minions of the internet! It's your favorite Senior Project Manager, Junior Manager, Sr and my wife does call me Mr. Manager in the bedroom. That's why I tell everyone who works for me to just call me Junior so I don't get an erection at work. Ethics!

As the Senior Project Manager, I delegate tasks to the other employees. That's my job: to tell other people what to do and not get an erection. Not necessarily in that order. My employees work tirelessly to make sure everything runs smoothly, while I sit back and avoid eye contact with anyone who reminds me of my parents. It's like having a personal army, but without the sodomy.

Our social cause products? They're all inspired by whatever the fuck my employees care about. Our forums promoting free speech? I make sure my employees keep their thoughts to themselves. If I want their opinion, I'll give it to them. And our blogs? Never learned to read myself, but I imagine they're great. (This bio was dictated to my secretary who prefers to remain anonymous)

But let's not forget about the amazing contributions from our users. They provide me with endless non-trademarked ideas to both appropriate and also not take credit for if they turn out unsuccessful.

So if you're looking for a Senior Project Manager who's equal parts selfish and successful, but never compliments his employees no matter how fuckable they are, look no further than me, Junior Manager, Sr. I'm the manager you never knew you needed - until you pretend to not notice what a liability I am. Titties!

Junior Manager Sr. Contact Information

Email
[email protected]

Professional Experience

Senior Project Manager

Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility | 2023 - Present
- Successfully managed to never contribute a single idea while appropriating countless others.
- Decreased the number of weekly meetings by 50% by avoiding attendance.
- Earned the "Least Involved Boss of the Year" and “Best Boss Ever” award from my team consecutively for a decade.
Junior Project Manager

Silicon-Valley-Startup-That-Failed | 2007 - 2023
- Perfected the art of pointing fingers when projects failed, leading to an increase in lack of individual performance.
- Enhanced team morale by maintaining an arms-length relationship with every employee by speaking to them through a glass wall.
Intern

Big-Corporation-That-Doesn't-Care | 2005 - 2007
- Managed to secure a permanent position by remaining unnoticed for two years.
- Didn’t receive a paycheck for two years, then I took them to court and won big ($5,000 bucks, yo!)

Education

Master's in Project Management and Employee Ignorance

Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania | 2005 - 2007
Bachelor's in Business Management and Avoiding Eye Contact

MIT Sloan School of Management | 2001 - 2005

Skills

Professional delegator with a knack for employee discouragement.
Master of maintaining a strictly professional environment, especially in my pants.
Able to avoid responsibilities while still being likable.
Expert in misappropriation of non-trademarked ideas.

Hobbies

Delegating household chores.
Ignoring self-help books.
Playing dodgeball - both metaphorically with responsibilities and literally.

References

My army of unappreciated minions.
My beloved wife, Mrs. Manager (For character reference only. She does not endorse my professional techniques outside the bedroom.)