March E. Tellerman
Master of Marketing MadnessMarch E. Tellerman Biography
Well, well, well, look who we have here! It's March E. Tellerman, the Chief Marketing Officer of "PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com". You can call me the Master of Marketing Madness, baby!
Let me tell you, I've been with this crazy train from the get-go, and I've seen some wild stuff. Once I even saw my Mama snort cocaine off of a gator's ass. The gator was dead. She'd beat it with a fire poker and castrated it with a butter knife for eating our family dog, Scooter. Anywho, our founder, Elongated Muskrat, is a lot like my mama sometimes and other times he's more like a honey badger on PCP! He's always been obsessed with doing good in the world; honestly, it's addictive, kind of like PCP. We've got a team of dreamers that's as wild as a bag of cats! No drugs involved in that metaphor ladies and gentlemen. The last thing you wanna do is add drugs to any situation that involves multiple felines in any kind of container.
As the CMO, I'm in charge of spreading the word about our crazy badass website. We want everyone to know that they can make a difference with their purchases - we're like the Robin Hood of online marketplaces, except we're not stealing from the rich and there's no rooster playing a banjo. We're just inviting all people, rich or poor, to buy ethical and eco-friendly shit and then maybe someday we can afford to buy a rooster playing a banjo. Or I guess we could just get a rooster and teach it to play the banjo. Any y'all play a banjo?
But the real ass kicker? Our forums, baby! We don't believe in censorship - no sir! Why I called my wife a bitch in writing three times today already and that ain't even my record. Don't worry, it was consensual. Anywho, we're all about free speech, even if that means talking about things like the president being an alien from the sun or some flat-earth talk, or even things that don't actually make sense. We've had some heated debates, but we're not backing down, oh no! We're like the Wild West of online forums, baby! Only with less gunpowder and probably more discourse before the sheep fucking starts.
And here's the cherry on top - our "DoGooder Creatives" program. We believe that art and humor can change the world, just like PCP addiction, and we're not afraid to get weird with it—the art and the humor that is. My Angel Dust Days are behind me. We've had some submissions that make us scratch our heads, and others that have us reaching for the Penicillin bottle, but hey, we're all about creativity, even if it makes you itch.
So there you have it, folks - "PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com" is like a big, beautiful, Thanksgiving turkey filled with love and madness. And with me, the Master of Marketing Madness, cooking dinner every night for the foreseeable future, who knows where we'll end up! But one thing's for sure - it's really important I get a rooster that can play the banjo.
March E. Tellerman Contact Information
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Email
[email protected]
Professional Experience
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PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com
Chief Marketing Officer | 2023 - Present
- Convinced the world that our company is the Robin Hood of e-commerce without involving any actual thievery or “little people”.
- Engineered the company's marketing strategies, making us popular with everyone from saintly do-gooders to gator fuck-with-ers.
- Unleashed the power of free speech on our forums, fostering open discussions about presidential alien theories, debating the merits of human relationships with livestock, as well as other things that actually don't make any sense.
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Freeform Marketing Guru
Self-Employed | Pre-2023 - 2023
- Perfected the art of unconventional marketing approaches, such as promising a rooster-playing banjo in every marketing pitch without actually owning one.
- Displayed an unparalleled knack for combining the charm of a Florida gator wrestling match with the approachability of a bag of cats on a PCP-free afternoon.
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Master of Metaphors
Self-Employed | 2022 - 2023
- Perfected the art of compelling metaphors, with a focus on animals, drugs, and various combinations thereof.
- Is like Florida's Shakespeare.
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Wannabe Banjo Instructor
Unsuccessful Rooster Banjo School | 2021 - 2022
- Pioneered an ambitious yet fruitless endeavor to teach roosters to play the banjo, a project halted by the revelation that roosters lack the necessary fingers and general focus.
- Despite failure, successfully drew attention to the lack of awareness regarding musically interested poultry, thereby paving the way for future experiments with accordion-playing parakeets and an Ostrich named Drew who fucked a didgeridoo.
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Wild West Forum Wrangler
Uncharted Online Territories | 2020 - 2021
- Cultivated a reputation for managing online forums so wild, they made the Old West look as blissful as the Dalai Lama at an orphanage.
- Expertly balanced passionate discourse and rampant absurdity, fostering environments where all opinions, no matter how outlandish, found a home.
Education
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Bachelor of Arts in Something Impressive
Some Eclectic Liberal Arts School - 2050 (Please hire me anyways)
Skills
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Spreading marketing madness like wildfire (metaphorically— BLM—BEAR LIVES MATTER).
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Maintaining a sense of humor amidst the chaos, and trying not to call my wife a bitch.
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Steering clear of PCP while encouraging creativity and free speech.
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Creating nonsensical art submissions while promoting the use of antibiotics in the face of STD's whether contracted during sex or not.
Hobbies
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Hoping to one day meet and/or own a banjo-playing rooster.
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Occasionally reminiscing about Angel Dust.
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Frequently comparing my wild marketing tactics to the way my mother raised me.
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Devising valid reasons to call my wife and Will Smith's wife a bitch.
References
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Anyone at the family reunion.