Peter Peterson

Peter Peterson Biography

Hello world wide web slingers! My name is Peter Peterson, but my friends call me Pete. I'm the Senior Web Developer here at PISR. If you ask my peers, they'd say I'm in no way qualified for this job and want to know more about my frequent and unexplained extended absences.

They seem to think my 3 hours here a week along with my general lack of focus is due to my youth, and that is true. I don't love it here and I don't wish I had more time for it even if I weren't beyond busy outside of work. There's just so many things happening in my life right now that it's a wonder how I get around without super powers.

That's how I do it though. I have super powers. I'm a literal friggin super hero. I even told my boss that. He clearly doesn't notice or just doesn't care. What does it say about the state of corporate America that they still hired me anyway? I should've been fired years ago. As long as there's a name on a sheet, they seem to be satisfied. Must be nice. My arch enemy shot my mother twice last night and now I'm writing this to pretend I give a shit about web development. Does that sound like satisfaction?

I'd tell you more about my super powers, but then I'd have to kill you. How do you think I got this job? Ha! Collateral Damage! It's also how I got my cat, my car and my girlfriend, AJ. She's hot and very forgiving.

Peter Peterson Contact Information

Professional Experience

Senior Web Developer (Part-Time Superhero)

Politically Incorrect Social Responsibility | 2023 - Present
- Act as a name on a payroll, ensuring continuity in the HR department.
- Fill in as web developer when not battling my arch-nemesis or saving the city.
- Regularly take "smoke breaks" to stop robberies, prevent disasters, and sometimes pick up groceries.
Intern (Full-Time Nobody)

Another Company That Didn't Notice My Absences | 2007 - 2023
- Successfully fooled another company into believing I was an engaged intern.
- Saved the office from a bomb threat during one of my "bathroom breaks." (Kind of surprised there hasn’t been more)

Education

Bachelor of Semi-Engagement in Web Development and Heroics

School of Hard Knocks & Online Coding Bootcamps | 2005 - 2009

Skills

Web Development: Partially Competent
Time Management: Exceptionally Poor
Superhero Abilities: Top Secret (but impressive)
Impersonating an Employee: Legendary

Hobbies

Fighting Crime
Saving the World
Collecting Unemployment Checks
Hanging Upside Down From Buildings
Stealing your girlfriend’s heart

References

My Boss: He's probably just happy I show up at all.
My Cat: My most reliable companion. Unlike my co-workers, he appreciates me.
My Girlfriend, AJ: She'd vouch for me... probably.