The Great Greenland America Acquisition: A Colorful Takeover

Operation Freedom Palette

In what experts are calling the most ambitious Greenland America acquisition attempt yet, Congress has announced plans to eliminate all non-patriotic colors from the future 51st state. “This strategic color reformation will demonstrate our commitment to making Greenland more American than a deep-fried bald eagle riding a monster truck,” declared project leaders.

“Listen here, folks!” exclaims March E. Tellerman, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness, while attempting to teach a rooster to play “The Star-Spangled Banner” on a banjo. “We’re gonna make this Greenland America acquisition so spectacular, it’ll make Lady Liberty herself weep tears of pure petroleum!”

Implementation Strategy

The Department of Interior has already begun shipping industrial quantities of patriotic paint to the Arctic, though several shipments were delayed when Guru Og Tritium, Content Moderator, mistook them for “really big containers of nail polish” and attempted to give the local polar bears makeovers.

Elongated Muskrat, taking a break from his usual space ventures, contributed his thoughts: “I’ve already committed $44 billion to this project, which is a bargain considering we’re literally rebranding an entire landmass. Trust me, I know a thing or two about expensive rebrands that may or may not work out.”