Tsunami of Firings as Trump Drains RNC Swamp

Tsunami of Firings as Trump Drains RNC Swamp

In an unprecedented move of petty vengeance and authoritarian overreach, the newly Trumpified Republican National Committee has embarked on a vicious purge rivaling Stalin’s in scale. Scores of treasonous bureaucrats who dared defy the Dear Leader’s MAGA crusade are being unceremoniously shown the door.

Losers and Warriors

“We’re taking out the trash and sending those losers and haters packing,” bellowed Lara Trump, the newly anointed RNC Co-Chair and Trump family eminence. “Donald wants his people in place – loyal gladiators who will fight tooth and nail to own the libs at all costs!”

Eyewitness reports describe platoons of muscled goons dragging away stunned staffers, their wheeled desk chairs clattering behind them. Shocked employees wept as personal effects were unceremoniously tossed into corridors now streaked with skid marks.

“I always voted Republican! What did I do wrong?” one anguished data analyst was overheard pleading as he was brusquely frogmarched out.

The New Order

In their zeal to drain the so-called swamp, Trump’s stormtroopers may have gone too far, decimating the RNC’s ranks and capabilities right before the all-important 2024 election cycle. But governing has never been MAGA’s strong suit – only Draconian payback matters now in the vengeful new order.