What Heaven AND Hell Don’t Want You To Know About Neil Gaiman (And Why Crowley Can’t Stop Laughing About It)

What Heaven AND Hell Don’t Want You To Know About Neil Gaiman (And Why Crowley Can’t Stop Laughing About It)

In what could only be described as a plot twist worthy of American Gods’ third season writers’ room, Neil Gaiman’s “Good Omens” has become the entertainment industry’s most awkward conversation starter since someone asked George R.R. Martin about his writing schedule. The beloved author, whose hair has its own fan club and possibly sentience, now faces scrutiny that would make even Morpheus wake up and choose violence.

When Fantasy Meets Reality (And They Both Call Their Lawyers)

“Listen,” says Adam S. Marks, CFO of PISR, between sips of what he insists is “just water with personality,” “this whole situation is messier than my last divorce, and I had to give my ex-wife custody of my favorite hangover.” Hollywood executives are reportedly playing a game of hot potato with million-dollar properties, except the potato is on fire and everyone’s wearing highly flammable suits made of contract papers.

The Industry’s Button Eyes (Now With More Buttons!)

The ghost of Terry Pratchett was unavailable for comment, but sources claim he was heard muttering “Oh bugger, not this again” somewhere in the ethereal plane. Meanwhile, Elongated Muskrat offered his unique perspective: “I’ll buy the rights to Neil Gaiman’s entire bibliography for $44 billion. No, wait, $43 billion. No, I mean I’ll trade it for this cool bird I found.”

Dreams, Nightmares, and Awkward Zoom Calls

As the situation develops, industry insiders report that even Death of the Endless has requested PTO to avoid dealing with this mess. “At least in my stories,” a frustrated demon was overheard saying, “the apocalypse had better catering.”