This One Weird Trick Will Reclaim The Panama Canal, According To Trump

This One Weird Trick Will Reclaim The Panama Canal, According To Trump

In a startling display of real estate mogul diplomacy, former President Trump has threatened to repossess the Panama Canal, citing “ridiculous” fees and apparently forgetting that international waterways aren’t like Manhattan properties. The Trump Panama Canal control situation has escalated as the former president treats international diplomacy like a particularly heated episode of “The Apprentice: Global Edition.”

When Real Estate Tactics Meet International Relations

“Listen, folks, I know canals. Nobody knows canals better than me,” Trump declared to his supporters. “Panama is charging us tremendous fees – tremendous! We built it, it’s like they’re running an HOA scam on us!”

The Art of the Impossible Deal

Responding to Trump’s demands, Panama’s President José Raúl Mulino stated that “every square metre” belongs to Panama, to which Trump reportedly muttered, “We’ll see what the property assessor has to say about that.”

Our own PISR founder, Elongated Muskrat, weighed in on the situation: “As someone who impulsively purchases things worth billions of dollars, I can relate. Just last week, I tried to buy the Mediterranean Sea because I didn’t like the shipping rates. They said no, but I’m pretty sure they’re just playing hard to get.”

In the end, Trump’s attempted canal repossession serves as a reminder that international relations aren’t quite as simple as a real estate transaction – though someone might want to double-check if he’s already tried to list it on Zillow.

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