These Simple Conflict Resolution Techniques Are Making Consultants Cry: Being Nice Actually Works

These Simple Conflict Resolution Techniques Are Making Consultants Cry: Being Nice Actually Works

In a devastating blow to the professional conflict management industry, researchers have discovered that basic conflict resolution techniques can be distilled down to one simple concept: not being a jerk. This revolutionary finding threatens to render obsolete thousands of expensive workshops, hundreds of certification programs, and at least seven different types of healing crystals.

Industry Professionals Face Existential Crisis

“This is unacceptable,” declared Junior Manager Sr., PISR’s Senior Project Manager. “How am I supposed to avoid eye contact with people who remind me of my parents if everyone’s just being nice to each other? Do you know how many PowerPoint slides I’ll have to delete?”

Even renowned conflict resolution expert Dr. Marshall Rosenberg reportedly emerged from retirement to comment: “Are you telling me I could have replaced my entire ‘Nonviolent Communication’ framework with ‘don’t be a doofus’? Well, there’s 40 years I’ll never get back.”

Professional Mediators Scramble to Maintain Relevance

The industry has launched several initiatives to combat this simple approach:

– “Advanced Niceness Certification Program” ($2,999/month)

– “Quantum-Enhanced Empathy Workshops”

– “Blockchain-Based Kindness Tracking System”

“As someone who bought this website for $44 billion before it launched,” noted Elongated Muskrat, PISR’s Chief PISR, “I can tell you that simple solutions are bad for business. We need at least three different apps and a flying car to solve basic human problems.”

Guru Og Tritium, PISR’s perpetually relaxed Content Moderator, offered his unique perspective: “Blog is still a funny word, man. But being nice? That’s like… whoa. Deep. Also, I really love prescription drugs.”

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