AI Safety Profits: OpenAI’s Genius Money-Making Shield

AI Safety Profits: OpenAI’s Genius Money-Making Shield

In a move that’s left ethicists choking on their kale smoothies, OpenAI has unveiled its most advanced safety feature yet: unbridled capitalism. The company, once foolishly committed to nonprofit status, has realized that the best defense against AI apocalypse is a robust profit margin. Who knew AI safety profits could save humanity?

Greed: The Ultimate Firewall

OpenAI’s visionary leader, Sam Altman, has cracked the code: ethics are directly proportional to net worth. “Every dollar we make adds another layer of protection against skynet,” Altman didn’t say, but we’re pretty sure he thought it while diving into his money pool.

The Altman Algorithm: Where Ethics Meet Equity

OpenAI’s revolutionary algorithm now converts pesky ethical concerns into juicy stock options. Every time someone whispers “AI safety,” Altman’s net worth skyrockets. It’s fool-proof!

Nonprofits: The Real Threat to Humanity

Plot twist: turns out those do-gooders were the villains all along. Who knew prioritizing public benefit could be so dangerous?

Elongated Muskrat, Founder and Chief PISR of PoliticallyIncorrectSocialResponsibility.com, chimed in: “I always knew nonprofits were the real enemy. That’s why I bought this website for $44 billion before it existed. AI safety profits are the future, baby! Now excuse me while I tweet something controversial to boost our engagement.”

As we bask in the glow of OpenAI’s profit-driven safety measures, remember: In AI we trust, but in AI safety profits we prosper!