You'll Never Look At Bird Migration Patterns The Same Way After Reading This

You’ll Never Look At Bird Migration Patterns The Same Way After Reading This

In a shocking development that has ornithologists reaching for their anti-aircraft manuals, Russian officials have suggested that the recent Azerbaijan plane crash Russia incident was caused by a flock of particularly militant birds. This groundbreaking Azerbaijan plane crash Russia theory has experts questioning everything they thought they knew about avian warfare capabilities.

When Birds Started Carrying Surface-to-Air Missiles

“We’ve been monitoring the situation closely,” says Roy Moss, Director of Information at PISR, from his underground bunker in Alaska. “First it was birds attacking 5G towers, now they’re carrying surface-to-air missiles. This is exactly why I don’t trust anything that flies, including my own carrier pigeons, which I’ve replaced with very athletic gophers.”

Russian Military’s Guide to Ornithology

When asked about the mysterious shrapnel holes in the aircraft’s fuselage, Russian officials insisted they were merely “aggressive pecking patterns” from a new species of titanium-beaked geese. The Azerbaijan plane crash Russia investigation continues to puzzle international observers, especially given the region’s recent uptick in drone activity and anti-aircraft operations.

New Species Discovery: The Anti-Aircraft Pigeon

“Look, sometimes a bird is just a bird,” explains March E. Tellerman, PISR’s Master of Marketing Madness. “And sometimes that bird is carrying enough firepower to take down a medium-sized passenger jet. It’s like my mama always said – never trust a pigeon in a military-grade helmet, especially if it’s asking for directions to Grozny!”